I come from a land down under....but maybe not to the Australian government...

So after a relatively easy 15 hour flight that left San Francisco on Saturday night I arrived here in Sydney yesterday morning.


The goodbyes were especially hard and I seemed to do this weird thing where I just shut down which was odd after crying the previous days.  It hit me two hours before I landed in Sydney of all times in a plane full of strangers, that here I was again in the land of Oz.


I have a really strange relationship with Australia, I always miss it when I'm not here but whenever I land here, I just feel so damn claustrophobic.  Everything here triggers memories...good and bad. Everything is so distinctly Australian; the smell of the cut grass and dew in the morning, the cacophony of all the crazy Aussie birds (no not me and my mates), the sound of crickets at night.  Everything screams Australia and I don't know how I feel about that, panicky or comforted.  I always have said I was a rubbish Australian, I don't follow the sports, I am not particularly patriotic, not a bronzed sun worshipper and when people ask me why I have come back here I can't really give them a reason.  I just answer 'I don't know'.


I feel homesick and for the UK, I even miss the U.S.  Could it be as a good friend said that I just simply enjoy being somewhere I feel different not just another of the same.  Being the odd one out, the novelty piece?  Maybe.


Despite all this I've had to face the bureaucracy of the Australian government with medicare card, employment agencies, drivers licenses, etc....who despite all my fears and anxieties about being too Australian and being back here again, tell me I have to prove my Aussieness. Showing my dedication and commitment to stay here.  Until then I won't get the privileges afforded to being a good, genuine Australian.....hip fucking hooray.


Next blog...I will be cheerier....hmmmm