We've discussed to death if men and women can be friends...yes they can. Is the sex always there? Probably. Are we strong enough to not let it matter? Most definitely....mostly ;)
Are we mature enough to discuss it and move on?....Yes.
One of my favourite quotes by William Blake is 'those who restrain desire, do so because theirs is weak enough to be restrained'.
I think my possible add on to this is, when we know in our heart of hearts that desire could potentially cause ripples sometimes even huge splashes of pain and upset that really aren't worth the act of the desire we should hold back. We don't. Lust is a powerful thing innit? Lust is easy.
Cue: Harry + Sally 2.0...When sex is out there on the table already like a regular meal, how easy is it for one or both parties to not get attached?
I'm not talking about the typical one night stand. You know the kind. Where you wake up in the morning silently sliding out of the bed, quietly gathering up your clothes, trying to find those randomly scattered underwear pieces tucked down the side of the bed, tiptoeing out the door (trying really hard to figure out the door locks without waking the proverbial sleeping giant)Then heading out on to some street in god knows where, at the crack of dawn, paranoid that everyone is looking at you knowing exactly what you've done.
Well this is what I've heard it's like.
I'm talking about the mutually agreed ongoing sexual encounter (f*ck buddies for a better phrase) with someone you like and 'oh my god' actually have conversations with. As human beings with conscience and feelings can we successfully seperate sex and intimacy? In my general observation men are capable of doing this better than most women I know. Although I am good friends with women who have the most flawless and impressive compartmentalisation techniques I have ever seen in my life.
Is it a learned thing? Can we actually harden/close ourselves off?
It's very easy being hedonistic, it's fun, it's selfish and it's all about you, only you. To be honest and fair this is how I've pretty much lived my life for the last year, self preservation is all important. Living in the moment, enjoying my life, this my one chance, my one life, until worm food time.
Something you don't think of until it's too late....being responsible for or of the feelings of others. With a one night stand this isn't even a consideration, you just do the 'wombat technique' (eats roots and leaves) and move on. With an ongoing sexual type situation this becomes more difficult, connections are made, conversations are had, intimacy on some level is shared.
Inevitably this seems to indicate to me that it would be rare and damn lucky if one or both parties don't get attached in some way. Boundaries have to be firmly set, otherwise someone is going to get hurt. Cue: Pretty Woman....
The another option is, you could have ongoing sexual encounters only with people you don't like or respect, placing the encounter firmly where it belongs, in the bedroom.
We as humans don't do this though, as much as we try deny it.
We seek out connections, intimacy, friendship and love, even when and where we know it's not viable. We crave affection, communication and bonding experiences, where we should run the other way....fast....screaming. We place ourselves metaphorically behind the wheel of the car, speeding down the highway in the dark, chugging down that full bottle of vodka, screaming to the universe 'you can't catch me copper, you'll never get this heart alive'....and then we are shocked when we crash fast and hard, taking out potentially innocent bystanders along the way in the emotional carnage of hurt emotions and feelings.
....but doesn't that ride feel amazing while it lasts??....pass me the keys and the vodka anyday.....carnage I can deal with, not getting in the car....well that's not even an option.
When sex is out there on the table already like a regular meal, how easy is it for one or both parties to not get attached?
Not that easy....but damn it's fun at that table....:)
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