“A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step"

My access to the internet

2011-09-24T13:45:00.000+01:00

I have no laptop, it broke, a while ago...hence my 3 month blog apathy I need to buy a new one as this no laptop scenario is totally effecting me more than I thought possible. 

I always used to say "yeah I'm not addicted to anything, there's nothing you could take away from me that really wouldn't bother me", this is said in a squeaky Cartman style voice by the way. 

So my not buying a new one was not just only a financial thing it was also me trying to prove to myself that I wasn't addicted to my laptop.  Stubborn creature that I am.  

How's that working out for you?  I hear you ask. Not to good.

The reasons I miss my laptop...

It was my connection to my friends and family that live too far away for my liking.
It was entertainment when the TV isn't available
It enabled me to sit in my room and not socialise (on those less sociable days)
It facilitated my access to my other addictions of social networking and online shopping (yeah OK I'm fallible and a liar :))
It was pretty...hee hee

So now that I have proven to myself that I am not really that addicted I should buy a new one before I go nuts, shouldn't I?

I also could do with a visit to BA (Bacon eaters anonymous) if I'm putting all my cards on the table.

They're only getting younger....

2011-06-16T00:24:00.000+01:00

Today I went to the London School of Osteopaths on the advice of a colleague cause I've  been having trouble with my neck and shoulder...who knows why, it could be age or my ass (we'll get back to this one later :)) I thought why not go here, it helps students learn and is cheaper than a regular osteopath.  Brilliant win, win right?  

So I  walked in to the reception and almost immediately heard my name called looked up and two 'boys' barely over the age of 20 something came out to  the reception area to collect me.  

They take me into one of the  clinical rooms where they start taking my history, my history that is  older than Methuselah and both of them put together.  I had underpants  on older than this pair (another mortifying realisation when asked to strip down).

So anyways after asking me quite a few embarrassing  questions...e.g. Are my poos loose? How regular is my cycle? (how do these boys know about periods)

I then was asked to strip down to my underwear, my old cotton pants while they talked to their supervisor. They'd just be gone for 10 minutes they said, the thing with time is that 10 minutes whilst hanging out with a mate and supping nice glass of wine, well it just simply zips by doesn't it?  When you're in your bra and pants, old pants waiting for people, young professional people in the next room to finish your consultation well the bastard just drags by.....it's like being caught in a horrific time loop, so I put my trousers back on cause I just felt so damn awkward.  

So here's me with my old, fat cellulite laden ass and my very messy bikini line emerging out of my pants, ha ha emerging that makes it sound like something delicate and shy not the horror out of control garden that I was looking down upon.  The voices were screaming in my  head 'why didn't I wax last night !!!!???'  

You would think this was the end of my humiliation oh  no.....I then had to bend over for them to check my posture (while I imagined they were sniggering  behind their hands and doing that finger down the throat motion) whilst  he suggested in technical terms that the size of my arse put strain on  my back.  This is of course not what he actually said (he was a consummate professional, they both were)but is what the most mental,  female part of my brain heard.  Baby has got back indeed. He also said  'she has good mobility' what I heard was 'for someone of her age'.  

Would it have bothered me as much if they were young females, yes without a doubt.  I don't think this was a gender thing it was more an age phobia.  I generally don't consider myself vain but I've also never been one to lack in body confidence, I think I'm doing pretty good for my age (if I do say so myself). But the thing about youth, as lovely as it is (and I do like looking upon its freshness) I quite frankly prefer to be fully clothed around it, especially when I'm stone cold sober and in that amount of lighting.

So  next week I have to go back and I will be wearing bigger pants and  whipper snippering the rabid outback.  Oh and trying to silence the voices.....

A new breed of dog

2011-05-25T00:13:00.000+01:00

Apparently they are called 'honest players' or so I have been told.  These are men (I guess they could be women just as easily but rarely)who cheat on their girlfriends/wives....yadda yadda and tell you straight off the get go that they have girlfriends/wives...yadda yadda.  

Hmmm why would these HP's do this?  You ask...

Well then when you turn around at any point and bitch that you don't get enough; commitment, love or attention they can say, "Well sweetheart I did tell you I had a girlfriend/wife.." you get the point?  It's your choice if you enter into this situation you've been given full disclosure and there is no recourse for ignorant bliss.

Who are the women that facilitate this you ask, are they women who don't respect themselves or the 'sisterhood'?  What kind of nasty bitch would hook up with a bloke that already has a girlfriend?  Does she not feel guilty?  Why can't she get her own boyfriend/husband/object of meat?

See what I did there?  

I blamed the woman, and that's what most of society does as well.  Whenever any of my female friends cheat on their partners or hook up with a 'taken' man, I don't ask why, I don't care, I just say becareful.  

If you get caught you will be blamed, you will get labeled with the scarlet letter.  We historically and socially accuse the female of the species of this sexual indiscretion, is this because we expect more of women?  Boys will be boys and all that shit.  Do we assume that women have a lower sex drive and therefore are less likely to cheat?

So many questions and very few answers.  I can only come and this from my cynical perspective.  So I'll try to answer as clearly and concisely as I can. :)

They respect themselves.

There is no loyal sisterhood, it doesn't exist, there's women who are loyal and love you (your friends) and women who don't (your competition).

I know quite a few. 

Guilt is easily compartmentalised and often overrated.

She can, but probably doesn't think it's worth it, considering what's on offer.

We do expect more of women it's the whole Christian, social mother/virgin scenario, it's outdated and boring.

Yes we assume in our culture women have a lower sex drive, newsflash we don't. 

'Honest Player' bless them, a dog is still a dog, new breed or not.  But it's your choice to make, not theirs, whether you become one of the bitches in their pack.

“I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep everyone's expectations.” - Bill Watterson

2011-03-18T21:57:00.000Z

Fairy Tales...

But when the witch bent down to peer inside the  oven and check the heat, Gretel gave her a tremendous push and slammed the oven  door shut. The witch had come to a fit and proper end. 

Poor witch living alone in her cottage in the middle of the woods when these two little hoodlums come by and start destroying it with their gluttonous hunger.  She was just protecting what was hers right? :)  Imagine that... being female, single and childless...it must be the most horrible thing in the world.  Especially when you get to the poor witchy poos age.

More Fairy Tales...

 Barren, Spinster, Old Maid.....bless.  Words you don't hear very often but yet society still views women of a certain age in this light.  I was told recently that it is OK (read: acceptable) to be a man in his mid-thirties, that is single, sexually active and non-committed but to be a woman in the same position well....now that's another story.  Slut, tramp, loose.

Reality...

My mum used to say 'you have one life, you live, you die, you become worm food'. I was brought up quite rightly believing that  you had to make the most of this one life you had been given.  There  was no after-life, no do overs. My gender was never an issue in these conversations, I was never told that I couldn't do something, be someone great because I was a woman.  Now constantly I get reminded by society of the expectations it has of me.  I bought into this for a while, it depressed me.  I have been told by male and female friends alike that I need to be more submissive, less assertive, let men chase and persue, play the game, be more coy...yawn.  I have been asked if I am a dissapointment to my parents because I'm not married and haven't given them grandchildren. 

I was always have been abundantly aware  of how fast life goes, it really does zoom by and I have always felt I didn't have enough time to do, see, taste, feel, learn everything I wanted. I have a good job, I  pay rent, bills am responsible (mostly ;))I worked pretty much full  time while completing a degree, I have travelled around the world  alone.  My life thus far has been pretty amazing and I don't  think my parents are dissapointed.  Why is society more focussed on my 'failure as a woman' and not my success as a human being.  Why is it odd/unacceptable to be a woman at this age and to be single, childless and openly comfortable with my need for sex that is not attached to intimacy?

I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep everyone's expectations.... and the higher I keep mine....well it is my life.

Protect me from what I want.- Jenny Holzer

2011-02-24T22:25:00.001Z

Saw this postcard --------------->

on the weekend at the Whitechapel Gallery  went I went to see an exhibition of John Stezaker's work.  Whitechapel Gallery was fab and really enjoyed Stezaker's art also love exploring yet another area of London I haven't had much experience with.

This postcard by Jenny Holzer is part of her 'Truisms' exhibition and I just love her work.  This particular phrase has been used nicely(appropriated)in Placebo lyrics.

Protect me from what I want?

Do we really want to be protected from what our heart desires, our self absorption our indulgences?

One of my favourites quotes by William Blake is 'Those who restrain desire do so because theirs is weak enough to be restrained'.  

I don't want to restrain my desire. 

I never wanted to one of those people who looked back and thought I wish I had of touched, seen, eaten, smelt, held, kissed that or been there....I didn't want to have regrets about missed opportunities, experiences or journeys. 

I don't believe anything is out of my reach. 

That country I haven't been to, that goal I haven't yet achieved, those people who I am illogically infatuated with after only one meeting.  Time, distance, money is no issue to me.  There are no barriers.  Barriers (excuses) are made in fear of failure, I would rather fail than not have tried. Although, if you protect me from my desires then I won't potentially have to face defeat, loss, embarrassment and heartache.

Protect me from what I want, please?

We don't always know what's best for us, we have addictions, weaknesses.  We humans are indulgent creatures.

We are selfish and self-absorbed. 

Drugs, alcohol, food, complacency and lust.

What we want is not always what we need, what is right for us.

We ask opinions that we don't listen to, advice that we don't take and stay in situations that make us unhappy.  We beg for support and help then don't take it when it's offered.  We create dramas that we can play the lead role in, drag our friends in for bit parts, then wonder why they get pissed off at the constant re-runs.

Don't protect me from what I want..

....if you do, how else will I learn my lesson? 

Stickers got me thinking.,,,,

2011-02-24T20:01:00.000Z

You know the bumper stickers on vehicles that indicate clearly that there is a 'baby on board' or 'there's nothing left inside this vehicle overnight', the ones that overly explain the really bloody obvious.

I was thinking wouldn't it be easier if we could all wear stickers like this?

If my eyebrow is raised it is because I'm judging you.
Yes I am angry.
In my mind I've pictured you naked already.
God you're boring.

We of course could change them daily or hourly depending on our moods, the weather or the people we meet. Then people wouldn't have to ask how you are feeling (right now or before you asked me?), if you're angry (mostly always) or am I boring you (generally yes).

It would reduce meaningless conversation somewhat, however...

I always believed that my face worked against me, not in the 'boo man she's scary ugly way', more in the 'everything I am thinking is written all over it' kind of way. Maybe everyone else is just as easy to read as I am but we are all just generally too self absorbed to take the time to bother reading.

Let us for a moment consider... What would happen if we paid as much attention and time to our fellow human, planet/oxygen sharers as we do reading that moron's bumper sticker in the car in front of us?

It would reduce meaningless conversation somewhat and it would save on the stickers.

When do I become a Londoner?

2011-02-05T02:30:00.001Z

So I had a wonderful night tonight.....

My night tonight is not going to be tarred by that....thing/person and yet I'm writing about that....thing /person.

I went to Camden and I made new friends and I had a wonderful time.....

and you my divine creature on the 341 you crossed my path,

You, who told me start quote 'should fuck off back to my country' end quote, you told me I didn't belong here, that people like me is what makes your country shit, people like me is where it's all gone wrong. People like me. Not people like you...?  Yes Bob (let's call you Bob) I have lived in your country for 14 years now, for those 14 years I have worked Bob, worked hard, I have done jobs that most of your English mates wouldn't do.  Bob in the 14 years I have lived here I have never signed on, not once Bob.  

I bet your friends have signed on.  I have however Bob have paid towards the NHS and the national insurance for 14 years which I haven't claimed on, not once Bob, not fucking once.  You Bob are an ignorant piece of work and I hope and pray that you will learn this through some educational insight but I doubt it.  Because you Bob (as the ignorant Bob group) are effectively what makes most Western countries shit.

I cry for you Bob you Xenophobic human, I cry for what you don't know, what you'll never experience, breathe, eat, taste, experience and live.  I did cry Bob I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed, you broke my heart Bob.  You once again made me lose faith in the human race.  

You don't factor and yet I'm blogging about you.

Bob when you wake up tomorrow and the sun is shining on your face and you put that bread in your toaster, you will have a moment. That moment you need to dwell on, because Bob this is your reckoning.

Because Bob, you truly need to be educated and you better fucking hope I don't cross your path again, because sugar and light I will educate you until your nose and eyes bleed.

Bob I am coming for you.

Life, Books, Coffee, Death and Blue Skies. What a way to spend a Sunday.

2011-01-31T20:55:00.000Z

So yesterday, a 'blue sky' day, I went exploring my neighbourhood again...this time heading up the posh end ooo er...I started in Waterlow Park

which I can't wait to sit in during Summer time and read a good book (or pretend to) so I can people watch (one of my favourite occupations :)).  One of the many things I love about London is the large preserved 'green bits' it has always within a stones throw of where ever your living. 

 I loved and miss this

about not living in Greenwich but as the 

Waterlow Park

Olympics of 2012 fast approaches I am so very glad I got out of that area.  I don't think I could bear to see the destruction of 120 year old oak trees under the nasty hand of tourism and capitalism.  Anyways...there I go ranting again...after walking through the park I ended up in Highgate Village which is very pretty with book stores and cafes and nice bars.   Next time I promise to take pics of the view, the shops and the people.   

After buying even more books I didn't need and drinking more coffee I also didn't really need but can't seem to wake up without, I arrived at the gates of Highgate Cemetery.  With perfect timing I caught the last guided tour of the day at 3pm. (they close at 4)

I originally went to see the grave of Karl Marx (what can I say anthropology student) but when I saw this tour I thought why the hell not?  Highgate Cemetery is massive, unbelievably huge consisting of two sides, the East and West.  The tour I did was the West side with Marxy boy being buried on the East.  (brap brap...sorry couldn't get that out of my head)

Cemetery tour...dark and gruesome you think? Very typical of you Mel ;),I hear you say?  Ah but no, wrong you are, not at all dark and gruesome it was (Yoda I have become)...it was incredibly fascinating, the guide (a very cute goth girl) was extremely informative, interesting and knew her graves, her history and her boxing... 

George Wombwell's Tomb

Or should I say pugilism??  

All this for only £7 (which incidentally goes to the upkeep of the cemetery..you can't say fairer than that). 

I loved it and I'm definitely going to go back probably with the bossy blonde to check out the East Side.  What did I love about it?  Besides the history, well there's the beauty of the sculptures and the architecture, the nature of the area has become almost symbiotic with the man made graves, ivy intertwining with marble, trees growing around headstones.

It was just simply, beautiful..... 

Egyptian Row

...but it wouldn't be me if I didn't imagine the annoying, robust looking (Mel subtext) German lass in our tour group (taking really noisy photos,answering her mobile phone after  being told to switch it off and lagging behind so the tour  guide had it to keep pausing for her)getting dragged off into the crypts by the undead and eaten alive, with the rest of the tour completely unaware as her screams were muffled by rotting, decomposing flesh.  

Ahhhh...it really was quite a wonderful way to spend a 'blue sky' Sunday afternoon.....however that would've made it just slightly more amusing for me. :)

It happens when you least expect it......or does it?

2011-01-29T14:08:00.000Z

I hate happy couples.

....okay maybe not all of them just the sanctimonious ones.  The ones who have magically seem to have forgotten their single days.  They drive me fucking nuts.  If one more person ensconced in a relationship turns to me and says in that (don't worry you won't die alone soothing tone) 'it happens when you least expect it' I will drive my fist into their intestines, breaking through the outer skin, grab a handful of their bowels and whilst showing it to them will scream..."I am least expecting it now!!!!" 

Ok I know love is wonderful, yummy and delightful (I have had it, been in it, swam in it, choked on it), I know you want to share your joy and knowledge and warmth.  It's beautiful, it makes my eyes moist.  It is just a tad condescending.  You assume because I'm single that I've never...1.been in any sort of healthy relationship where I've learnt the pros and cons of coupledom... or 2.that I don't enjoy being single.

You couple types haven't suddenly become a guru like insightful sage just because you're in a relationship. All knowing and in touch with all the energies in the universe.  You're just in a relationship, I'm not. 

I hate insecure couples.

You know the ones that are so concerned about the potential risk of the dissolution of their relationship (which they know deep down really isn't working)  they see you the single person as a potential threat.  It amuses me to  no end when you see them clamping ownership hands on each other in fear  that you are going to steal one of them away.  Nobody can be stolen who  doesn't want to be, you can not steal someones boyfriend or girlfriend.   People do exactly what they want to do when they want to do it.  It's  called free will.  If someone wants to cheat they will cheat and why  would you want to be with someone who would do that to you anyway?  I am not the cause of the cheating I am merely a symptom of a greater issue, your greater issue.

Singledom.

I love it.  With a capital 'L'...it's fucking brilliant.  At this moment the thought of commitment unnerves me, staying with the one person on a long term basis who I have to share my duvet, bed and space with isn't currently my idea of a good time.  I am only responsible for myself, my time, my money, my life.  Microwave meals are only made for one as well....

You know what really happens when you least expect it?

I am angry, so f &$£*"ken what!!??!!

2011-01-16T19:18:00.000Z

What's wrong with being angry?

I read this article in the Guardian yesterday by Suzanne Moore and it made me think back to this blog that I keep starting to write but didn't publish for fear of being labeled as 'that angry little red headed misandrist person'. Who am I kidding...I already get called that or variations of beginning mostly with the letter 'B'. I have been thinking of this since I watched the 'Women' documentary on the BBC in March last year. I fell in love with Marilyn French. She epitomised everything I had felt and repeatedly have said in the justification of my anger. I watched her interview and wished I could have met her and learnt from her.

Why shouldn't I be angry??

Being a woman and angry is still considered to be unacceptable even now. Men are permitted anger, I don't even think they label it as 'anger', it often falls under the umbrella of 'honesty', 'directness' and 'being assertive'.

So what happens when someone at work talks to you like your an idiot because of your gender? You still get angry but you fix that smile on your face (you know the one, where your cheeks physically ache), you get frustrated because you can't vent. Then you can feel the tears coming (this is the worst bit) but you're not sad...why the hell are you crying?? Because you don't have the freedom (as you would in a social situation to tell them to go fuck themselves....in the politest of ways of course), this makes you even more angry, because now you're one of those 'emotional crying women' and so the cycle continues. Aaaaaggggghhhh!!!!!

My anger is productive, it has helped me survive, it is the fire in my belly and I don't ever bottle it up (;)), it doesn't make me ill. I am mostly angry at things I can't really control, things that are out of my power.

We have a lot to be angry about.

I am angry that women still don't get equal pay for equal work, I am angry that young girls and women are being trafficked, prostituted and murdered globally. I am angry that people assume because I am a women that I have to fulfill a particular role in society, as the wife/girlfriend/mother. I am angry that both men and women tell me I need to be more submissive if I ever want to be in a relationship because my anger makes me intimidating.

I am angry at the things that have happened to me in my past because I am a woman but sad that these things have had to happen to give me strength, fire and inspiration. I wouldn't change my past for anything, it has made me less afraid....not fearless, just logical and rational with my fear. It has enabled me to travel the world alone, to complete a degree whilst working and most importantly and justifiably.... to be angry.

In Camden town I'll meet you by the underground, we'll walk there as the sun goes down. In Camden town you can do anything you want to.....and I am ;)

2011-01-10T23:45:00.000Z

Reflection of tree in Camden Canal the pollution makes it look pretty!

So North London...I have to say I am loving it! I have already become one of 'those' North London types that begrudgingly only goes South of the river when I really have to.

'What do I love?' I hear you Sarf Lahhhndaners ask. Well I am going to give you a list...(I am good at lists)

Being close to a tube station it really does only take half an hour to get anywhere ;) (well that's what I'm going to tell you when we organise to meet)
The bars are trendy (can I still use that word?) with a great mixture of people.
I love being this close to Camden...which leads me to..
I love Camden - the markets, the diversity of the people, the bars and all of it really.
Hampstead Heath is very cool and I'm completely looking forward to Summer (nothing quite like watching the fat, white British grazing on open plains...ahhh hakuna matata)
The choice of restaurants - ate at my first Ethiopian and it was fabulous.
All the great music gigs that play within a stones throw
New people I'm meeting
New friends I'm making
That it's not South London

I'm not betraying my roots of South London, I spent a good lot of time there and a lot of good time there, but you know what they say a change is as good as a holiday.

Canals and Markets

Between you and me I can't afford a holiday, yet.. and god knows I do love challenges and changes.

I'm resolute no resolutions...is that a resolution? Gosh darn it.

2011-01-02T13:25:00.001Z

I think in terms of the day's resolutions, not the years'.~ Henry Moore

Ahhhh pretty....

This was my first one :)

Christmas and New Year celebrations are done and dusted...which mostly consisted of eating and drinking.  I who originally thought that meat was four of my five food groups is now not so convinced after eating four Christmas dinners. (mmmm meat sweats)

Presents!!!!!

But we indulge we eat loads and drink even more than our kidneys and liver can handle to once again return to 'normality' and recuperate.....Letting off steam from a whole year of eating loads and drinking more than our kidneys and liver can handle by eating loads and...well you get the picture.  This is just what we do.  

Getting completely caught up in the commercialism of what is a Western Christmas.  Bah humbug :)  It is also gives us license to behave badly (cue: Xmas parties)  The obligation to be nice to those who we really don't like, we are told that this is the one time of the year (cause that bearded carpenter guy was born)that we should really appreciate and respect one another(cue: family get togethers)and then comes New Year's eve.....

Supersize cocktails love you.

Ahhh blessed New Years eve....

So after being nice to one another and ourselves over Christmas, gift buying, mistletoe and love...we then get really, really drunk, get into fights, snog, screw people we either don't like or don't really know not only disrespecting them but ourselves....then we make New Year's resolutions (like Catholics going to confession) to further torture ourselves.  No drink, diet, no smoking yadda yadda and the list goes on.

NYE dinner at Lalibela

(so businesses can then make even more money out of diet fads, exercise equipment and gym memberships) 

Although I did get into the festive spirit (maybe too much :)) and the whole consumerist spirit behind it....(and I loved loved my Christmas day..meat consumption maximum density and presents!!!)I will not be making any New Year's resolutions.  I just don't see the point, I know how easily corruptible I am and I have always believed if you're talking about it, it's cause you're generally not doing it.  Why oh why would you choose to do or not do something that makes you oh so happy, even if it is just a little bit bad for you :)

Bad is fun.

So with Henry's words in mind... today I will try to be good. ;)

Lies, words,actions, conscience and instinct.

2010-12-27T11:28:00.000Z

To what extent are we lying to ourselves when we lie to others?

Coming from mostly a place of honesty the level of duplicity of others does stump me.

I have assumed at times it was a cultural thing, that we Aussies simply lack tact and diplomacy as we are known to be brash and offensive (or maybe that's just me :)).  

The irony of it is that now honesty is considered to be offensive.  

I respect tact (although sometimes don't employ it) and appreciate the idea of softening the blow of direct words with a little cotton padding of nicety.  I have said before that I am an appalling liar and maybe that's why I don't do it often but it's not just that. I just could never see the point, it just take so much more effort to lie and fabricate. Also I'm essentially betraying myself by not being honest with how I really feel or what I think.  I naively have assumed on occasion that this is how most of the population operate.  I am of course wrong.  Most people are full of shit.

See I worry about karma and the guilt of my lies  bubbling to the surface occurring in sleepless nights and loss of appetite.  Compartmentalisation skills = nil. 

Why lie?  When did telling the truth become such a hard thing to do?  We lie to others because we believe the lie, correction we want to believe the lie.  It seems easier in the short term than dealing with guilt, our own bad behaviour, our own moral ineptitude or being honest....but we can't assuage our guilt with lies or denial or compartmentalisation on a long term basis.  Our conscience just doesn't work that way.  We get ill, stressed and conduct transference.

Employing conscience, isn't that what separates us from animals?

Why do we allow ourselves to be lied to when deep down we often know the truth?

Actions do speak louder than words and by ignoring them we are essentially betraying ourselves.  We all lie, so we instinctively know when it's being done to us.

By buying into it we are....

...ultimately staying in situations that are not right for us, doing things we hate and ultimately prolonging the pain and anxiety of living what could be considered to be a half life.  Why would we voluntarily choose to live a life less than what we deserve?  But a lot of us do... is it a martyr complex or just the enjoyment of moaning?  Or is it just easy?  Easy is easy.

Lying to others maybe easy enough for you but lying to yourself well  that's a more bitter pill to swallow.

Sometimes it's hard to face the truth, it hurts and it's challenging, but in my experience people do exactly what they want when they want.  Their words may convey other messages for soothing effect but... 

Deep down you know, it's instinctive you can feel it in your gut.

Employing instincts, isn't that what separates the animals from us? 

Survival Instincts

2010-12-19T14:12:00.000Z

Apparently we all have them....

Just finished watching 'The Day of the Dead'and this lead me to thinking two things. (yes I can even get anthropological thoughts out of a zombie movie)

Firstly horror movies have always scared me and annoyed me equally.  As I sat there watching the soldier try to shoot over 100 zombies with 6 bullets, I thought why not just kill yourself? There's no way out this.

 Isn't that the logical thing to do?  

When I watch horror I am the annoying person yelling at the t.v. 'Don't go into the cellar/attic or dark forest.'  'Take those heels off before you run away from the killer sweetheart.'  I'd like to think if I was ever in a situation like that I would do the smart, calm thing.  But generally we humans aren't that clever are we.  We make mistakes, we play with the zombies, we get into that car, we ignore our animal instincts that warn us of danger, stupid ideas or morally reprehensible actions.  Where is that person yelling at me, when I need them?  Melissa don't do that, drink this, or bite that person.

Secondly if we all have these built in 'survival instincts', why do we continue to test our capabilities, ignore logical conclusions and self sabotage?  Is it just like the movies where we have to go through a self assigned plot that has a subtext of underlying morals that we will learn from eventually the hard way.  

We are as a human race pretty thick at times.  I have always believed that life is not that difficult, it is actually quite easy.  We just complicate it ourselves, create dramas, test our survival instincts, push ourselves to the edge then brag about what we came back from.  It doesn't have to be that hard, the smart thing is learning your lessons quickly, the first time.  Not be doomed to repeat your mistakes over and over and over again.

I for one, know on my next away mission, I won't be wearing the red shirt.

That North, South Divide....

2010-12-16T21:50:00.000Z

So I've moved North of the river for the first time in my nearly 14 years of living in London.

So what?... I hear you say.

Well if you don't know what a big deal this you've never lived in London.

I was a South Londoner (said like...Sarf Lahdahner) good and proper, I have always lived in the South East, all my mates were there and I know it like I know the back of my hand.

I know what transport goes where, I know where the mini cab places are and all their numbers. I know what pubs to go into and what ones to avoid. Where I can get groceries cheap, where the shortcuts are and where to purchase late night booze. All the things that make you feel like you belong, like you're at home. Then people move away, have kids, break up and well, it ceases to feel like home so much.

So...after travelling I thought why not mix it up?
Try something new. If this doesn't feel like home why not go somewhere and make a new home. (Like I did nearly everywhere I stopped whilst travelling)I guess one of the things I learnt during my travels, is that you can pretty much create a home anywhere, I find it very easy to leave my mark on a place (or a person ;)).

And..

This is what I'm doing, although not much exploring has been done yet North of the river. I am excited about being here. A whole new group of people to offend, places to discover, shops to search through, parks to read in and cycle through, pubs to warm up in.

Maybe I'm making things more challenging for myself than I have to by moving somewhere different and new but you know how I love a challenge.

Just slightly concerned about one thing... Being the shy, retiring type that I might find it hard to make friends. Hee hee... Or I could just do the typical Mel modus operandi and force myself on people....sssshhhhh don't tell them my secret, they'll be my mates before they even know what's happened.

Mwah ha ha ha

Ahhhhh now I remember.....that's what I love about London.

2010-12-08T01:13:00.000Z

Bitchin' and moanin' "Poor me I travelled for four months around the world, had the most unforgettable, incredible time of my life (so far), met some of the most wonderful and beautiful people, seen some awesome, breathtaking scenery and now I've come back to London. It's cold and and it is dark and I have to go back to work (like all of you have been doing all year) and earn money and pay off my debts and find a home" Boo fucking hoo.

So tonight instead of going home and being a sooky winger , I went to the Old Vic Tunnels (underneath Waterloo Station) and saw Cart Macabre and when I say 'saw' I really should say 'experienced'. This was a theatre visit with a twist. I hadn't read anything about this before I went and was invited last minute as a ring in. (Thanks CB) It was truly incredible , a sensory overload and depravation all in one. (you think I have spelt deprivation wrong...that was wickedly intentional)

I want to tell you all about it but at the same time I don't want to ruin it for you if you choose to go.(2 small insights...1. it starts with a cart and 2. if you're scared of the dark or claustrophobic it does tickle these fears somewhat)

Flashbacks to a time (***** Seven spoiler alert*****)when I was just about to sit down in my cinema seat, popcorn in hand, just slipping my medium sized diet coke in to the holder on my armrest when my mate says "I can't believe his wife's head was in the box".(I wanted to put her head in a box) I hate those type of people (stupid and selfish blendation), but then as you well know I could write at least a dozen more blogs about the things that people do that piss me off. This is not the blog you're looking for...wave of hand.

Back to the culture push.....

So Cart Macabre is on from the 4-22nd of December and only costs £14, cheaper than most London cocktails innit.

Have some mulled wine you're safe now

This is what I love about London, come here baby give me a hug, sorry it took me a while to warm up....but I am here now and that's what counts. Sssshhhhhh it's going to be alright.

Can one be homesick for country that you haven't discovered?

2010-12-05T18:00:00.000Z

I've always held this belief that somewhere out there is my home, a place that when I arrive there I'll think, yeah this is what I've been looking for all these years.

(I envy the blissful) 

Somewhere that I'll feel content and at peace and could imagine spending many years there with no restlessness.  People will argue that it is the people you love around you that give you that sense of comfort and 'home feeling' not the location and maybe they are right.  I feel kind of inbetweeny at the moment, not feeling settled in anywhere.  I appreciate that this a sense you get when you've been travelling and it will pass but this could be a good thing as it means I won't just settle into mediocrity and not continue to challenge myself.

...but do I still call Australia home? 

I love Australia, it is a wonderful country, incredibly diverse in the beauty it contains.  The people are unparalleled in their openness, loving and friendly nature but whenever I am there I just feel too far away from everything, suffocated and trapped.  I feel so very unAustralian in most of my views and most importantly, a stranger in the country I grew up in.  

Is London Calling.....

...fabulous, vibrant and interesting with its history and culture, the people are so trendy and cool (I realise using words like 'trendy' and 'cool' instantly makes me not :)). Yet I just can't seem to get settled here this time around(but then it could be that I don't really have a home yet).I do love London and I have spent most of adult years in this city and had some incredible times with truly amazing folk.  The thing I love about London is that after all these years I still discover new and interesting things in this city, this keeps me entertained and interested.

So where for me to go next?  I could go down the psychotherapy route and say stuff like "until you are content with yourself, you'll never be content with your environment and surroundings..." but bah humbug.  We all know I love myself... maybe sometimes a little too much ;) Or even worse, the hippy route, "I'm a child of the universe unbeholden to any country or location" (cue: much finger down the throat induced gagging)...seriously hug a tree dude.

Should I get a hobby? (basket weaving is soothing I hear)  Take up some sort of gym based activity? (exercising with skinny girls, yeah that will quash the anger) Keep my mind occupied with social type butterfly things to quell this restlessness? (drink, feck, boys, arse)

However...I have been California Dreamin'

For that big, odd, over friendly continent across the water that my heart still has pangs for.  That place that I feel hasn't been truly Melconquered yet...but then in two, five, ten, fifteen years time will I be at this same exact restless place again?

Would that be such a bad thing?

Weather Conditions and Public Transport

2010-12-03T12:19:00.000Z

Two things the Brits just love to talk about, is the weather (it's snowing - 8 inches (20cm)) and the Public Transport (I call it shit but they call it 'disrupted')....

It started snowing here at the beginning of the week, even in London... this isn't a common occurrence. Ahhh I hear you say how lovely, it makes everything look so pretty. Yes it does indeed, it's a veritable freaking Winter Wonderland it's like being in Narnia without the talking lions and that goat boy (not the Bill Hicks one, the Pan dude). But what Narnia has that London doesn't is a good system of transport, sure it's the Ice Queen's sled but it's on time and her reindeer are currently without a union.

(Funnily enough being a Brisbane girl who saw my first 'real snow' in my twenties, snow used to really excite me.)

London with snow just shuts down it literally takes double to triple the amount of time to get anywhere if you can get there at all.....

My British mate used to rave about how amazing London public transport was 'the best in Europe' he would say. This just floored me as this guy has travelled.....are you bloody serious??? Other European countries have a lot more snow than this and everything continues to run just all hunky dory...but oh no not the UK....

ha ha the bus isn't coming...

The things that cause transport to shut down in London are in no particular order: snow, rain, leaves, signal failure, the tracks being too hot oh and not to forget the Union strikes. They knew this snow was coming and said they had a 'snow plan in place', but then wouldn't you just know it....it was the wrong kind of snow.

Ok, so two concerning epiphanies out of this blog.

1. I have just talked about transport and weather for the entirety of it. Does this mean I'm becoming...gag....British?
2. If we can't cope with a bit of snow how are we going to cope with real life serious stuff like alien invasions, asteroid collisions and machines taking over the world?

More concerned about the British thing to be honest.

Break those chains that bind you....all that emotional warfare and yukky stuff....

2010-11-23T22:09:00.003Z

I believe in love at first sight.

I believe in magic.

I believe in universal messages.
I believe bacon tastes good with goats cheese, sweet chilli sauce and ready salted crisps on a sandwich.

Does this make me naive, gullible, too trusting or stupid?

I  don't think so.
I'm far from naive, I've seen and experienced in my life some awful stuff, people at  their worst, but who hasn't right?  Yet I still want to believe in the human  race....mostly, believe that the majority will inherently do the right thing....occasionally.  I  have hope....sometimes.

....yet, I just can't be bothered with intimacy or dating, for me it's worse than the most painful job interview.

(Where I have gas and the interviewer is using corporate buzz words.)

Sitting across from you, smiling, telling you what you want to hear.  With  everything I say, I'm watching your expression because I know, that at the same time I'm trying not to show on my face that I think that what you just said was stupid, offensive or just boring.  Not that I really care, why should I?  I'm not invested  in you and chances are you will say or do something that will annoy me if not now, then later.  One thing I do have faith in, is that you will  inevitably annoy me or worse...bore me.

Maybe it's intolerance.

Apparently, it is easier to fall in love than out of love?

Plenty more fish in the sea....yes there is.

Time heals all wounds...indeed it does.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger...hmmmmmm.

Love  is a funny old thing isn't it.  Part of me (the hopeless romantic)  wants to really believe in it, in the fact that it makes the world go  round.  That without it we are not the evolved beings we see ourselves  as.  

The other part, the hurty, breaky, cynical, jaded part is undecided.  Thinks it is just a chemical reaction triggered by pheromones and oxytocin.   Love is impractical, illogical and based solely in emotion.  Love hurts,  it's terrifying, nauseating and makes you feel powerless, completely without control, yet we still  pursue it like nothing else.

We flirt, we date, we seduce.  We compete, ogle and court.

Is it  human nature?
Can we help ourselves?

Even the most busiest and  successful of us seek out 'the other' through Internet dating and social situations.

Falling in love is easy.  Too damn easy.

Out of love...well that's excruciating, destructive and soul wrenching, yet we still go through the motions, again and again and again. Putting our hand into that fire knowing damn well it's going to burn and it's going to hurt.    

I believe bacon tastes good with goats cheese, sweet chilli sauce and ready salted crisps on a sandwich, I can't help myself.

Christmas, Castle, Santa, Satan.......

2010-11-21T23:55:00.001Z

This weekend Christmas festivities were had.

Peacock Pose

In a very British way of course.

Went out to Leeds Castle to a Christmas fair for a bit of festive spirit. Leeds Castle and the grounds is pretty incredible it's £17.50 for entry (this lasts for a year)so even though we didn't get in to the castle the grounds were very picturesque and worth the trip. It's proper Winter time in the UK now and this is where yet again I'm completely glad I 'run hot' completely acclimatised to the UK weather indeed.

Glad I dragged the bossy blonde out shopping to buy multi-layers of tops to keep toasty.   

The Castle

Back to the Castle so yeah it was a good place to visit although the Christmas fair was a bit of a let down, was looking forward to more original crafty type toot, instead of cheap faff you could get at any market.  Another down point...there was only one food stall!! What the hell?  This leads  to my other issue, I eat a lot for someone of my size, I am always  hungry...(actually this is bullshit, it's not an issue for me), it concerns  others...yeah I eat heaps....fuck you ;)

Jealous much??

Underground Grotto

So after walking through the Christmas fair,the grounds,the maze and this very cool underground (the grotto with no bloody Santa) bit, it was off home.

The Maze

Which led me to think of the similarities between Santa and Satan as their names are kind of similar and well this is just how my brain works;

Santa: Wears a red suit

Satan: Is traditionally red in colour

Santa: Expects you to be good all year so you can get a gift

Satan: If you sign over your soul you get the gift of 10 excellent years
Santa: Has elves working for him in what Could be considered to be sweat house working conditions
Satan: Has lost souls doing his bidding in the ultimate sweat shop

Oh and finally but most importantly they're both fictional but the mention of either of them makes a large proportion of the population act like fools.

You can't always get what you want but if you try sometimes you might find, you get what you need

2010-11-17T00:11:00.001Z

Why do we always want what we can't have?

Or is it just me?

That unobtainable thing, person, situation....

We could argue it's human nature but I know quite a lot of folk that are very content... or seem to be anyway.  

I have never been truly satisfied, even at my most happiest moments.  Always knowing there is a place out there I haven't visited, something I haven't seen, a person I haven't met/forced to be friends with me/or bewitched ;)(with my obvious and extreme cuteness and acerbic wit).  

A constant restlessness to travel, experience and consume life, or am I just buying into Weber's Protestant work ethic?

...but it's more than this for me. 

It's not just about working hard and getting what I want in life, it's social, spiritual (in a non-religious way)it's a sense that I just don't have enough time to achieve everything I want, do all I want to do, see the world, learn enough, do enough, experience enough.  For me it's all just going too quickly, life is speeding by.  I have that feeling constantly and continuously that you get when you return from a holiday and you think 'damn where did those two weeks go?'

As I'm writing this I can think of at least 20 things off the top of my head that I want to achieve, places I want to travel to, experiences I want to have.

I feel arrogant in addition to this, like I am better than those contented folk that never strive for more, who don't seek out change searching for new and rich experiences, almost frightened of it.

Sure, I have have my content moments but I do relish a good challenge, maybe this is what it is about for me....I detest boredom and mediocrity.

What do we always want what we can't have?  Oscar would argue:
"The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. Resist it, 
and your soul grows sick with longing for the things it has forbidden to
 itself, with desire for what its monstrous laws have made monstrous and
 unlawful."
- Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian GrayGo Oscar...but we live in civil society, with rules and regulations and taught very early on 'you can't always get what you want'........you let your soul grow sick with longing I am yielding, I am going to get what I want, just try and stop me. 

You may tell yourself, this not my beautiful house....Spoilt...for choice.

2010-11-11T22:02:00.001Z

Is it that we just have too much choice?

We really are so lucky.....we forget this too often, myself included.

We, us, in Western society.  We moan and complain about how shit things are, how annoying work is, how tired we are, focusing on drama and pettiness.  Most of us rarely effect change in our lives or the lives of others, we are apathetic.  Working, earning, living, existing.  Buying, consuming, devouring. Our emotional dissatisfaction and restlessness driving us to purchase and be good little capitalists.  Do we really need that house, car, extra pair of shoes?  

If we had less choice would our general restlessness be reduced?

Would there be the large amount of what I call 'Western ailments' (general eating disorders,panic attacks and insomnia)that exist today if we simplified our lives?  Most of us have forgotten that we already have at our fingertips the things that are essential for our survival. I know I am sounding sanctimonious and I apologise for this as I am abundantly aware that I am guilty of this overt consumerism. 

I always used to joke that I buy stuff to fill a dark empty hole of dissatisfaction, some people eat I purchase :)

I guess when I rant like this it's because I'm not just angry at society in general but at myself additionally.  The disappointment at myself for forgetting so quickly what I learnt whilst I was travelling. 

That... 

This world is an incredible, diverse and amazing place
I am very, very lucky to be a Western woman in the country I live in, who has had opportunity and access to education on any level
I am privileged to be working and earning money (even if it's still not equal to a mans' ;))
I have a voice and the freedom to use it
There are endless opportunities available to me
I can effect change
There is beauty around us constantly, in scenery, in people, in life
It is never really that bad
I have free will
I have choice, I'm spoilt for it

What lies between the sheets?

2010-11-11T20:20:00.001Z

Two thoughts...

Are our levels of honesty connected to our levels of intimacy?

Why is it sometimes easier to be honest with our friends more than with our partners/lovers who we share the most physically intimate experiences with? Is it that once sex is involved we become more concerned with hurting people’s feelings, or is that we potentially have more to lose?

I have quite a few male friends who I can have a healthy dialogue with regarding most topics. I enjoy these conversations a lot and it does give you incredible insight into how the 'other side' operates :) Although at times I worry there may be alarm bells going off somewhere signalling that one or both of us are revealing some hidden gender based secrets, a classified knowledge that shouldn't be discussed outside our own clan.

I blatantly refuse to believe the 'Harry met Sally' concept that men and women cannot be friends and sex is always an issue, if you always remain open and honest....

...and.....

Does sex and passion or lack there of in a relationship ultimately have to influence honest communication between the sexes?

For example sex that is such a crucial and integral part of most healthy relationships can gradually over time becomes less so. Unfortunately when it does diminish it is generally not a mutual decision, it is a lone decision that unfortunately affects both parties.

One could argue that couples who say "sex isn't everything", there's so much more to a healthy relationship" probably aren't doing it that much. Because, in a relationship, sex is not just about the physicality of it, there is so much else tied up (hee hee) in there with it. The intimacy, the connection to someone you love and how it makes you feel about yourself... your self esteem and ego. I do appreciate there are many other ways to get this sense of closeness, but sex is probably the most intense and (to be fair) fun option.

I'm not saying that sex is the be all and end all but I am not going to deny its importance either, we all are essentially carnal beings.

...but I am questioning it's connection to and relationship with our levels of honesty.

A Sense of Entitlement......As citizens, we all have an obligation to intervene and become involved - it's the citizen who changes things. Jose Saramago

2010-11-06T11:31:00.000Z

I've realised that I'm mostly blogging about things that annoy me of late, character traits, personality flaws in people. Of course I have an endless supply of ammunition as the relationship I have with the human race runs hot and cold and this blog will be no different.

I don't know if it's my background or if it's about who my friends are that I don't have this sense that I am owed anything by anyone that a lot of folk seem to have.

Why do most people feel that they are 'owed' something?  When did we lose our work ethic? 

At what point did we learn as a society that it was OK to take and take and take?

When did we stop looking at other countries who have minimal resources and not consider how lucky we are? 

When did we become so soft?

This sense of entitlement ties into this nanny state that exists in the West that drives me nuts.  Where we as a society seem to spoon feed everybody and make sure everyone is happy all the time which is kind of ironic cause in our society we generally only care about ourselves. (This is what makes capitalism so successful - another blog)  This is probably what it is more about, if we are seen to be 'taking care of others' we look sensitive and selfless.  

I was brought up believing that if I wanted something I had to work for it, fight for it, be ambitious, driven and proactive.  I never believed that if I sat on my ass that things would just be dropped in my lap or handed to me on a silver platter.  My parents were working class people who have worked hard all their lives and I feel lucky that I was instilled with a positive work ethic.  

I just can't tolerate lazy, ineffective folk. These people are generally the ones moaning about how hard they've got it. Blaming everything and everybody else for the wrongs in their life, really truly believing that if they moan loud enough often enough they'll get what they want.  The sad thing about this is, in our world, in the decadence of the West it'll probably work and they've learnt it works and abuse the system.  Effectively being rewarded for fuck all.  Putting nothing in but consistently taking out of the magical never ending community pot.

We are very lucky....that we can get not only the most basic resources like clean running water, electricity and shelter but all the luxuries as well, that we have free health care, that the government gives us money when we can't find work. The disparity is terrifying.  As we munch down on our fast food moaning about the 'immigration problem', wake the fuck up.

Not only does this anger me it worries me a lot that our society has lost it's backbone and it's moral fibre.  I believe the strength and longevity of us as a human race  greatly depends on our ability to be a cohesive, homogeneous community.  

So if there was an alien invasion, a meteor that causes the magnetic pull of the planet to change poles, a massive and sudden rapid climate change resulting in a large proportion of land mass disappearing under water or a prolifically violent strain of virus that instigated a rapid change of most of the population turning into zombies.....well frankly we'd all be fucked.

“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” - Jung

2010-10-30T10:41:00.001+01:00

We are all guilty of it, pointed that figure, raised that eyebrow....

Why is it so easy for us to judge others their actions, behaviour, appearance?  

Two points. 

How do we seem to magically forget our histories, our past actions, behaviours in our rapid, guillotine judgement of others?

(when your pointing your finger at someone, three are pointing back at you) 

When did we cease to be compassionate, consider that we don't really know enough about this person's life to put them into that box of 'not good enough', 'too brash', 'common', 'boring', 'stupid'?

It's a very dangerous game to play indeed.   

Firstly. 

We've all (without exception) done things that are morally inappropriate.  There is not one person I know who is purer than the driven snow.  Ok sure, there is varying degrees of 'innapropriateness' but the bottom line is that no one is innocent.  It enrages me, and I have actually had conversations with people who have said...."she/he did this while she was engaged/married....etc", and I'm standing there thinking but weren't you the one who (insert morally bankrupt action here).  Ahhh yes the selective memory, it's quite a magical thing to have.  

But if I know you well and you do this around me, I will open up this selective memory box that contains 'said past indiscretion', pull it out with both hands and hold it in front of you and shout 'well looky here, what have I found'....This is yours isn't it?...Gosh do you remember this? Wooo baby....this was a good one, wasn't it...?? As all good friends damn well should.

Secondly.

You can potentially miss out on getting to know that person who may educate you or bring something valuable into your life that you couldn't find elsewhere.  Dismissing someone out of hand because they don't conform to what you personally think is right, clever or your type of person is uneducated, naive and lacks human sensitivity.  This is where listening comes in, really hearing, not only what people have got to say (even if it varies from your beliefs) but also considering their intentions, passions and beliefs behind it.  Some of us are not so great at using words or expressing what we really believe, feel and want.  Give them a chance.

We are all guilty of it, pointed that figure, raised that eyebrow....

Shucks I have the original 'judgemental eyebrow', but I like to think that even though I judge people...(yeah I'm not innocent)that I still give folk a fair whack of the stick and if I can listen, give people a chance and believe in those that others haven't... as cynical and disliking of the majority of the human race as I am....for you lot it should be a walk in the park.

Maybe It's Because I'm A Londoner ...or not?

2010-10-26T23:14:00.001+01:00

I get up at the crack of dawn....literally.  The sun is rising as I am.

This is London Winter....it's dark when you get up and dark when you get out of work and cold, damn cold. Not even getting into the other London obsessions...weather and rain. 

You have three viable choices in dressing...you can... 

1. Put your clothes on in bed, I have found this to be kind of awkward and often leads to wardrobe mishaps (like undone flies and twisted bra straps).  

2. Dressing straight out of a hot shower, only two downsides to this, twisted tights and damp footsies.

...or 

3.  Get dressed very, very quickly right beside the radiator (being careful not to burn your bum when bending over to pull your knickers up).  

You wouldn't think from this that I actually prefer the cold over the heat....but I did move here from Oz.
Chemicals are purty
So now you're dressed and to be honest the sunrise is quite pretty (I know it's pollution but it's still lovely to look at)...better than a grumpy London commuter.

...Public Transport is actually preferable..
Now that journey, which anywhere in this city is going to be at least 45 minutes...transport, well it's random, sometimes you get a seat, get to chill out, listen to your music maybe read a book.....or it is the journey from hell.  Squashed onto a train...going from cold to bloody sweaty hot, tube or bus with what seems like a thousand others.  A thousand others who haven't brushed their teeth, have drunk milky coffee and all smoked cigarettes before standing right next to you in your very limited personal space.(for someone little I have a freakishly large personal space zone, except when I've been blessed by the universe and I get a damn good pervy view)

London Bridge Lock Down
Today...I tripped over this guys foot, sat in his lap, righted myself then tripped again and accidentally ran my hair through a fellow commuters hair....you can not beat shit like that. I laughed, them not so much.

As a Londoner...you know that you have to stand on the left of the escalators, never to stop in the middle of flow of people.  It is inbuilt that you let others off first before pushing your way on the tube, that the first set of doors at Moorgate don't open that if you want to get off you have to move to the rear of the carriage.  That Angel Station has the longest escalator in the whole tube line all 90 damn feet of it.  Bless you if you don't have your Oyster or Travel card ready when you reach those barriers to get out, well I'd rather call a Hell's Angel gang a bunch of pussies than not have that damn card ready to use.

....you know you're still Australian, cause you dance along to your iPhone music at London Bridge Station, not caring that it is packed or that people think you're a freak.(one of the things I love about this city...chances are very high that you'll never see the same person twice...so act weird...who cares??) You smile when that song comes on that reminds you of amazing times, great weather and beautiful company.  You laugh out loud at how packed it is and that you have a face full of breast on the tube. (the temptation to blow raspberries was completely overwhelming and I restrained...maybe I am growing up?)

Consider myself a Londoner?  Only on the very thinly veiled surface, just cause I know the proper etiquette doesn't mean I'm always going to follow it ;)...but honestly would you expect anything else??

Ah, the night is callin', and it whispers to me softly "come and play"

2010-10-22T22:43:00.000+01:00

So last Friday night I went out with a friend and between the two of us we had three bottles of wine.  

Sure we should of stopped at two and to be honest the third one wasn't completely necessary and kind of big (by big I mean catastrophic) mistake.  It's just this thing that I do, once I start, I just can't stop, I get greedy for fun, for more booze, for that feeling to last, but yes we all know it doesn't.

Reading this back I almost sound like an addict....absolute class.

So back to the third bottle of wine....

So after a very respectful dinner and a bottle of lovely Soave it was off to the pub to throw down two more bottles of wine in quick succession.

We had great conversation fab food and the wine went down like the school slut on prom night....quickly and without much hassle.

...pleasant evening...then....fuzziness...then nothing....

My last memory was saying goodbye to my beautiful blonde friend outside the pub... then nothing...next memory sitting on the front doorstep with very bruised knees looking for my keys.  Is that bad?  Does this mean I have a 'problem'?  No matter how hard I try, that is half an hour I will never get back, but will I really miss it? 

I looked at the bottom of my shoes for any tell tale evidence, what did I expect I'd find?  A photograph, a business card or a stray GPS tracking device?(been watching too much CSI me thinks) When that didn't make things clearer I went on to you tube and searched under 'drunk aussie', 'obnoxious pissed girl on train'and nada, I'm still not sure if I was relieved or annoyed that I didn't find anything.

Relieved because, frankly, who wants to be on the interweb being a total twatty ass but annoyed cause I was no closer to the truth of the missing half hour.  When I went back to my local station on Monday to go to work I did have this momentary anxious feeling that someone was going to come up to me like they knew me and start chatting away.  Or worse, just start screaming at me whilst pointing at their black eye/bite marks/missing tooth.

So I decided to put my drinking 'issues' to the test....and before you judge, I encourage you to do the tests below (honestly) and see how you come out in the wash.

Test 1

 You answered 5 items out of 20 Yes.(I'm not going to tell you which ones)

Your  score is 25%. According to the Office of Health Care Programs, Johns  Hopkins University Hospital, developers of this screening quiz, if you  answered 3 of these questions with a Yes it is a definite sign that your  drinking patterns are harmful and possibly considered alcohol dependent  or alcoholic. You may want to seek an evaluation by a health care  professional.

Test 2

Your score indicates that you are  dependent on alcohol. 

So my friend wants to bet me that I can't stay dry for the whole month of November....who wants in?

Tips and advice for men on the pull....

2010-10-19T23:36:00.000+01:00

In a quick and easy numbered list, things you shouldn't say or do.

Things you shouldn't say....in no particular order.

Smile it may never happen (or anything to do with smiling....for me, if I'm smiling walk away very fast...especially if you've just said this line, chances are I'm considering all the multitude of ways to torture you with my bare hands and whatever glassware/cutlery is in my reach)This line I hate more than any line in the world, it's boring and lacks imagination.
You're such a pretty girl why are you sitting here alone/with no men.
Any corny lines i.e. 'you must be exhausted, because you've been running around my mind all night', 'did it hurt? When you fell from the heavens', 'I see your label is sticking out, made in heaven'....a proviso to this is that some of these lines said sarcastically/ironically are quite funny. Like the guy who told me he'd drink my bath water or another one who simply just said 'tell yo momma I said thanks'...priceless.
You look lonely
Please don't say anything remotely perverse i.e. "you know what would look good on you? Me"

Things you shouldn't do.....in no particular order.

Make a girl feel grateful that you're hitting on to her. (remember it will always be easier for a woman to get laid than a man (yes even the uggers) so technically you're the one who should be grateful if she decides to let you hit on to her)
Assume you hold any power, you don't. I'm sorry that's just the way it is....so be humble.
Be very careful with any comments about her friends.
Be very careful with any comments about her body, looks, age, yadda yadda.
Use your common sense, seriously operate that switch between your brain and your mouth.

This is a very old and boring statement but it rings so true.....just be yourself, walk up, say hi, offer to buy a drink, pay a compliment. Yes it is that easy. It really isn't that difficult.

 Even if a woman isn't single she'll appreciate the compliment and if you are polite and respectful....well slap me with a big wet fish and call me Betty you know what you'll get back.....courtesy....that's right and maybe never again will you hear 'fuck off loser'.

Simply put out what you'd want to get back.

Is she really going out with him.... again.....v2

2010-10-16T10:15:00.002+01:00

I went to dinner recently with a new friend and a friend I've had for years.

This woman who'd I just met was incredibly successful, attractive, intelligent ticking all the boxes of someone who I thought 'wow you're a pretty incredible person'.

.....then.....

She started to tell us about her boyfriend.
Who clearly doesn't appreciate her enough and who generally doesn't make her feel that great about herself. 

Are  women taught to settle as we're growing up?  It's just that I see so  many beautiful, intelligent women with men they are so much better than.

What are we teaching our girls? Why are so many women lacking in confidence?  Comparing our perfect selves to that other girl with the shinier hair, longer legs or whiter teeth. The feminists in history must be shaking their heads in dismay curious to know what happened to everything they fought for. It really does just break my heart.  When did we stop loving ourselves?  When did we start thinking that it was wrong to speak out, stand up for ourselves, yell, scream or argue?  Begging for any scrap of attention that is thrown our way from our 'loved one', feeling lucky when it is, not angry that it doesn't happen more often.

Are  we really that afraid to be left on the shelf? Who teaches us that we have to put up with this shit, is it  our  parents, society a pre-programmed biologically determinist learned   behaviour?  Our need to breed and be the perfect mother/wife/sex   goddess?

I'd rather be single and alone than in unsatisfying relationship and to be honest with you I've often felt lonlier in a relationship than out of one.  I know intimacy is fantastic but what is the trade off?  Is it really worth it?  I don't understand that desperate need I see in some women and men to get into a relationship.  It's almost like desperation has a smell I know people who reek of it.  Looking for happiness externally when it does't exist internally never works.

Women  have so much power and more often than not we don't allow ourselves to  truly shine.  Sabotaging ourselves and our fellow sisters, denying our  careers, our desires and needs, our happiness to capture that  unobtainable (and not very worthy) love.  Enduring physical,  psychological and sexual abuse as a part of a gendered role.

We are better than this! Is this where I have to tell you to refresh your ego and strength by reading some good feminist literature?  Some Germaine Greer, Marilyn French, Susan Brownmiller or Betty Friedan.   

We are the stronger sex in so many ways and the only thing that is letting the team down is us.  

Please remember ladies...our partners  can only do this to us if we allow it and more often than not, we do it  to ourselves, we allow ourselves to be subjugated, we are our own worst  enemy, when you get angry really angry in a relationship...honestly who  are you more angry at him or yourself?.........and breath.

I don't want to have to remind you again, but I will.  It's all part of my job of going around the world empowering women and generally scaring men into submission :) 

Those who do and those who don't......those who will and those who won't....

2010-10-07T22:55:00.001+01:00

Last night I went to a 'Personal Branding Meet Up', this was two firsts for me and I found both quite interesting. I had never been to a 'meet up' with a group of like minded sorts and I had never really looked into Personal Branding on any level. It was presented by Marian Schembari and I found this event incredibly interesting in quite a few different ways.  

Seeing yourself personally as a sellable brand is fascinating, we can just about market anything in this very capitalist world. As an anthropologist I additionally find marketing and advertising incredibly fascinating.  Studying a group of people, how they think to persuade them into buying lots of stuff they possibly don't need. What could possibly be better than that??  A friend used to tell me advertising is evil, I think it's magic.

Aside from this meeting someone like Marian who at a young age (well younger than me ;)) is incredibly charismatic, inspirational and hugely successful at marketing herself and her business.

This made me consider what separates the likes of the Schembari's and the Zuckerberg's in the world from the rest of the masses.  These dynamic sorts who just 'do', whilst the rest of us just 'think'.  

I have always had massive issues with people who moan about their lives, their lot and never do anything about it (especially in the luxury of the decadent Western world), I never really considered myself to be included in this.  Sure I moan when things piss me off (who doesn't), but if they piss me off long enough I'm outta there, fixing it, changing it. I'm interested to know why it's really that hard for others to change their lives?  I remember seeing a quote once that said 'all change is good' because as a very beautiful friend of mine says....there are no mistakes just lessons.  

So many people have said to me 'you were so lucky to go travelling, I wish I could go travelling'.  

This angers me for two reasons. 

Firstly it annoys me because sure I was lucky to go travelling, but I saved my money, I booked all my travel and accommodation and I did it.  That wasn't luck, this was me making a change, I actively went out and did what I wanted to do.  Secondly if you want to go travelling, go fucking travelling, there is nothing stopping you.  This is where you sit here and think of a million reasons excuses, to not go, to not do.  There will always be excuses to not do something, sure it's easier to be inactive, to not change.  

However.... if that's the choice you make, to just 'be' you can not in good faith moan about it or look at those successful types who are living the lives that you want and be envious....because when you were just 'existing' that flash of light that glanced past you was them living.  

So either put up or shut up.  You only have one life so get living you lot!!!!

There's nothing passive about my anger so you need to get out of my space mate....

2010-10-01T01:44:00.000+01:00

So back in London and really enjoying being here....I'm still taking photos and behaving like I'm a tourist on a holiday which I think will keep me sane during my hunt for a job and a home by focussing on the things I love about this city.

One of the things I love is catching London public transport....this is kind of sarcasm and kind of not.

Sarcasm because...For a major European city, the public transport here is rubbish. I've travelled.....as you well know ;)and I would have to say (in my personal opinion) it is definitely not in the top 10. The biggest mistake they did was to privatise it (I think this was yet another Maggie Thatcher blame game) a lot of the trains are old and most of them are hugely overcrowded. As the trains are so packed with random strangers, you need to create your own personal space where unfortunately there is none. This is done with the essential London tools...the newspaper/book and headphones. I can't see you I can't hear you. Abracadabra....instant personal space.

For someone as short as me standing squished in on an overcrowded train this has a myriad of pleasures. The inability to actually reach the bar overhead to stop from falling over (on the upside you can use a fellow passengers body parts ;)), being at the perfect armpit level and then there's the morning breath (for christ sakes brush your teeth before getting on packed public transport).

Kind of not because....Londoners are funny whether they realise it or want to be. They are fantastically passive agressive which amuses me to no end and I secretly love. Also anthropologically it is completely and utterly fascinating.

Something often heard during packed commuter travel time in London is.... "can you move down the train please?"(this is so you can squeeze as many people on the carriage away from the doors)....just try I dare you to test the patience of the most polite Brit by ignoring them. British glares, tuts and looks of derision can hurt way more than you could ever imagine. So you avoid so carefully stepping on their feet, knocking them with your bag or sitting on a small section of their coat that has moved on to your chair for fear of a raised eyebrow and a scathing eye roll.

...and whatever you do, don't dare strike up a conversation with them...unless you're feeling in a particular cheeky tricksy pixie mood :)

"Money don't get everything it's true but what it don't get I can't use, I want money"

2010-09-27T23:23:00.000+01:00

I have never been this broke in my entire life.

Someone said to me once that the size of the bank account indicates how successful you are as a person.  According to this statement I am a total loser ;)....weird that I don't feel like one, well cause damn, I've travelled around the world!! ;) Success to me personally is how much someone has lived, loved and most importantly learnt and not the size of their bank account. 

Although...

I have never known what I wanted to do in life, and I did envy those kids at school who had already mapped out their life plans.  You know the ones with the one, five and ten year time limits.

Previously, I could never commit to something like that, mostly because I used to be an efficient quitter. 

Things I have quit in my life (in chronological order) -: violin, cello, the recorder, Japanese (language not food), French, Art, Jewellery making, Spanish (I'm still hopeful about this one)...(this is not even counting relationships) and I'm sure I've missed quite a few other things. I've even tried to quit my degree six months before I finished but didn't under fear of being murdered by most people I knew.

See...I wish I could just travel around forever, I wish I had that luxury.

The luxury of not having to work. 

Coming from a working class background and having worked most of my life in a variety of jobs I was used to working.  I didn't have many sick days, I had a good work ethic...then....I don't know what happened.  

Maybe it began when I went to university and I had to reduce my work hours, then I had exams and took some time off....it was like an addiction (not working)I got used to it. Mid-afternoon drinks, sleeping in past 7am, long lunches.  I began to see the point in not working (for the man)I just couldn't get my head around the futility of it.  It is all about the money and I'm not nearly as materialistic as I once was. 

Although money does bring me to closer to my main loves...travel...so back to work I go, jumping through the hoops, and hopefully along the way I'll find a job I can be as passionate about as travelling and maybe even (cross fingers) a career.....time to grow up. :)

Mind the gap and that amazing homing beacon....and the kindness of strangers.....

2010-09-22T21:28:00.000+01:00

So this week and next and maybe/hopefully longer I am going to be in London. I'm trying to still view this as a holiday and behaving like a tourist, taking pics and blogging. I lugged my very heavy suitcase all the way up from the South coast and the universe provided me with free travel all the way to my mates in North London.

By universe I mean a good mate got me to London on her ticket then a very cute Glaswegian boy gave me his one day travel card at Victoria. I saw it as a sign that I was in the right location, my mate poo poo'd this and just thinks it's because I'm little and cute. (her words) Apparently this sort of stuff never happens to her hmmmmmm.

So between doing temp work and doing the whole temp agency registration thing (which is unparalleled fun), I have been meeting up and getting more than a tad drunk with some very good mates in the gorgeous city that is London. This leads me to that amazing skill that I've developed globally of been able to get quite drunk and somehow get home completely unscathed catching various forms of public transport. Unfortunately alongside this talent is the annoying side effect of talking to strangers on above said public transport. Despite what people say about Londoners I haven't as yet had someone say to me 'please don't make me do this'.....like on the NY subway. ;)...this still makes me giggle.

I do love it here and even after all this time I'm still blown away by the architecture, the history and even the people. I do feel like I'm home, now I just need to get a job, oh and a home.

Give me kisses forever and a day yeah..... But there’s just one thing..... You don’t have to say

2010-09-14T10:01:00.000+01:00

It's the old Hobbes versus Rousseau conundrum....:)ahhh the social contract....

We all want to be loved, shown affection its human nature.  We're drawn to it like moths to a flame, flitting around the warmth of our friends, family and lovers.

Men and women alike. 

Are men more innately scared of getting hurt emotionally, are women more romantic by nature?  I'd like to think that all of us in the human race have the same fears of insecurity, loss and abandonment, that we're all on the same footing in the same game.  A good friend said to me once that everyone without exception has a soft inner core, you just have to dig deeper to find some peoples.  

I really would like to believe this but I'm not so sure.

I hear so many stories from both sides of how lovers, wives and partners who've professed undying love and commitment for them have just appeared to change their minds suddenly.  Switch it off or just lie blatantly to cover up a myriad of indiscretions.  This I can't get my head around.

Why say words that you don't mean?  Especially when its not been asked for.  Are those reassurances for yourself, social expectations of what you 'should be saying' or do you really think its what your partner wants to hear?

Why cheat them and yourself?...why not just get out of the relationship?  When did cheating and duplicity become easier than being honest?  Why not just break up with them when it's going sour, cut your losses? Instead of sucking all that remaining juice from an overly squeezed orange.  Is it just cowardice, fear of being alone, fear of a confrontation or all three and more?  Isn't it just easier to rip that plaster off in one quick pull?

Why oh why would you renew a relationship that you really don't have your heart in, to then just destroy the person when you reveal your true intentions?  Pursue someone passionately then stop.  What's with all the drama and complications?  You can't be fickle when it comes to others feelings, it's just not fair.

Say what you mean, mean what you say!

Everyone has a soft core....hmmmm, I believe we're all innately self-preservationist (go Hobbes) and this has led us to a point of extreme ego driven self absorption.  I really believe that people do exactly what they want when they want to do it, with minimal consideration of others.  To the point where we really don't consider other's feelings when we say and do the things we do. Well cause if we did we'd be more honest with ourselves and our loved ones innit.  Self preservationist, take them out before they take you out....human nature.

I know what you're thinking. "Did she fire six verbal shots or only five?" Well,  to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track  myself. But being as this is an intelligent woman, with the most powerful brain and sarcasm combination in  the world, which could blow your head clean off, you've got to ask  yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk? 

So no...you don’t have to say you love me, baby it’s alright 
Cos honey I don’t care....well unless you really mean it ;)

Next week no moaning or bitching (well I can't promise), only London, pictures, drinking and fun.  I love you London and I missed you like hell.  Yeah baby I'm baaaaacccckkk.

I've lived too long in my 'second life' I need to be less 'virtual' and face reality

2010-09-10T13:34:00.001+01:00

When I was in university, I considered this as a topic for my dissertation. There are so many social networking sites from MySpace to Facebook to Twitter and of course Second Life to name but a few.

I find it fascinating that people (me included) spend so much time on these virtual communities and the how these communities have grown and morphed. Are we moving away from our 'first life' communities and real life interactions? I actually have friends on FB that I have never met in person, is this weird or just the way of the world now? These communities are diverse and varied and they all seem to come together and share, sometimes over share in this electronic environment. There seems to be little concern by the majority for intellectual property rights in the form of photographs, ideas or images being made public.

Are the majority of us still capable of interacting in real life social environment? This leads also into the massive rise of internet dating. (another blog)

I really do have a problem with my internet addiction..predominately Facebook.

This morning I deactivated my account, will anyone notice? Will anyone email me and question why they can't see my updates, pictures or comments? Facebook is a largely narcissistic endeavour. (as is blogging) :) So will anyone acknowledge my absence, or does death in virtual world mean death in real world like in the Matrix. Will my 'friends' just assume someone has pulled me out and I'm now running for my life away from some scary machines.

You login on a daily basis and attempt to outwit you friends by having the most humorous response to FB's request of 'what's on your mind?' You assume people are interested in your baby, holiday, wedding photos and what you are doing. If they were interested wouldn't they email or call? Or is this just this century's way of making all our social interactions easier, lazier....less intimate.

You 'like' inane groups and create chain mail messages about 'if you know a mother...send this on' blah blah blah.

Then there's your friend count...people who you've met once whilst travelling or went to high school or worked with many years ago. Some of who you probably don't even like but you just can't ignore their friend request...well that'd be rude wouldn't it? Once they’re on your list you're screwed you can't delete them, what if they notice? Will that create a social faux pas that will result in a cascade of friend losses when they complain about you via message.

I spend an inordinate amount of time on FB, I am completely and utterly hooked, I love every aspect of it...social butterfly that I am. Even have the iPhone app. It has proven to be a very useful tool for me to keep in touch with friends globally, post photos of my travels that my family can see and reduced the amount of emails I had to send saying where in the world I was. I even embarrassingly have to admit when I'm in an area with no wireless - it kills me, I go into an almost drug withdrawal state. Looking for any available computer that is online to get my hit.

Personally it bothers me as I preach to anyone who'll listen "I'm not an addictive personality, there is nothing that you could take away from me that I couldn't live without." HA!

Anthropologically I find it immensely intriguing and would love to do a further thesis study scenario type on this topic.

So see how long I can go cold turkey without FB, my bets are on less than 24hrs. :)

"You're so vain, you probably think this blog is about you."

2010-09-07T01:15:00.000+01:00

Can one ever be too confident?

In conventional parlance, vanity is the excessive belief in one's own abilities or attractiveness to others. 

Are vanity and confidence married?  Vanity (in my perception) is a purely shallow idea of the physicality of someone, maybe where I see confidence as a more holistic idea of ones overall skills achievements and intellect?  Can one be vain about their intelligence?

So many questions.

To be completely sexist, I think this blog would probably apply to women more than it does men. Why you ask? Because men are allowed to be confident. Women who are confident constantly get criticised and questioned about their level of apparent strength, by both women and men alike. Negative terms are thrown about. I find it more upsetting when women participate in this....I expect it from men.

Why?

The conscious sabotage of a member of the sisterhood is detrimental to all of us and weakens us as a group and I feel this is mostly done in the competition for a man's attention in a man's world.   For this reason it is of dual disgust to me. But additionally, I also feel really passionately about women (in what I percieve as a Western social expectation) basing all their strength in their image (vanity?), when we are so much more than that.

I had a friend turn to me once and say "With the way I look I can walk into any bar and pick any guy I want." Amused my reply was "yes, you probably can, but you better start working on that personality sweetheart because those looks won't last forever."

Why do I expect if from men? I am just a shocking sexist, so it takes one to know one I guess.;) Strong women threaten a majority of men.

I don't really buy into the deal that 'one can be too confident' as long as it doesn't cross over into arrogance and selfishness and becomes detrimental to your working and personal relationships, I can't see the problem. I think those who criticise over confidence have the problem, they just don't love themselves enough. When did it become a bad thing to love oneself?...hee hee.

Isn't genuine confidence attractive, regardless of the gender? Really valuing oneself for thier personal and intellectual achievements.

Sure there's people, insecure people, who put up facades of confidence, but I don't think this is necessarily a bad thing. If it works for them, so be it, sometimes it's even amusing to watch. Personally and strangely these types are always the ones I find intriguing...the proverbial hard shelled nut to crack just to get into that soft yummy insecure interior.

Although....sometimes they can just be really boring and the shell is the most interesting thing about them....but I'll keep searching and cracking.

She'll only come out at night.....update

2010-09-01T03:48:00.000+01:00

Cougar....Large  solitary cat or a woman who’s attracted to men 8 years her  junior..(Thanks Wikipedia)

At least 8 years younger than her, but what age difference really is acceptable?  Does it really matter anymore?  When we see the older man with the younger woman, this age difference is not at all important to observers in our society, but for some reason the other way round we nudge each other, point and whisper.

This term drives me  completely nuts for a few reasons, I think it's sexist as there is not  equivalent for a man in this role.  When I questioned a male friend of  mine what the label was for an older guy going out with a much younger  woman the humorous reply was 'lucky'...fair enough I thought.

The word 'cougar' still drives me crazy, a good friend believes that it is empowering.  She imagines the glorious large cat roaming the plains, independent and strong.  Which is all well and good until you picture the cute but very nervous prey shaking in the corner of a warren....hmmmm. (maybe she has something there ;))

So why do women get a  label synonymous with a large predatory feline? Is it the age old  thought that women in general shouldn't be overtly and expressively  sexual?  Is it inappropriate still in this day and age for a woman to be  predatory, to be the seducer?

Is this the need for  this terminology?  To label sexually confident women doing things that a  majority of society feel uncomfortable with? 

I still really believe strongly that society in general feels really uncomfortable with overtly and expressively sexual women.  I think a lot of us (both men and women) don't feel ready for the woman to take on this role.  To label this, in such a tongue in cheek way, mocks it and compartmentalises it.  Enough for us to stand outside, look at it and observe it and judge it.  This bothers me because it effectively weakens the power of women and their sexuality by denying that women can behave 'like men'.  We can be sexually assertive and flirt and this does not mean that we're sluts or easy.

Can't we also be  simply 'lucky' for having something pretty and shiny and fresh on our  arm.

Not 'lucky' so much as successful, accomplished, intelligent, sexy and beautiful women who are most importantly confident of ourselves and what we want.  The feedback from 'said prey' was they preferred older women because (their words)'there was less drama, the conversation was more interesting, more honest, less game playing and know their way around a bedroom with unparalleled sexual confidence.'  I personally think successful sexuality is 60% confidence, 40% determination ;)

Well, when I'm roaming North America as a  lone hunter ambushing potential prey, I'll have a think about this and  get back to y'all.

Done and done.

“I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you”- Nietzsche

2010-09-01T03:02:00.000+01:00

I am one of those annoying folk that always go on about how much I appreciate honesty and can't stand duplicity.  Some people find us lot sanctimonious and I do appreciate how this preachiness could be annoying.

I can't say that this comes from a place of not wanting to lie, I'd love it if I could and I guess if I had to....(to save my life or someone I love) I would.  It's just generally I am utterly hopeless at lying.  I do all the tells, I cover my mouth, I giggle and I most certainly won't look you in the eye.  Apparently I have always been like this, since birth, well since I could talk.  What I am thinking is generally written all over my face....and then there's the judgemental eyebrow (well that's just a whole other blog).

As you can well imagine this has caused me lots of hassle through the years, in not being able to keep secrets when asked a direct question, not being able to cheat on my partners (I miss out on all the fun) and saying 'no you don't look fat in that'....the list goes on... :)

I've tried other tactics like changing the subject e.g. 'Look a unicorn!' or 'Have I told you lately how beautiful you are?' 'Can you smell a drop bear approaching?' Although these have proven to be somewhat ineffective.  

The other reason I don't lie...often...is that I just can't be bothered, it just takes too much energy, much to the annoyance of others who've criticised me for being 'too honest'...priceless.

This is where I got thinking (anthropology time)...uh oh....bore danger.

If everyone dislikes dishonesty so much, how come most of us are so damn good at it? Are men better than women at it or vice versa? Where do we learn this from if our parents tell it's wrong to lie? (unless we're protecting someone's feelings or possibly to avoid a major confrontation (pussy that I am) :))
Is it human nature to lie?

I know it's definitely a social construct, but from there on in, it's up for your discussion and my confusion.

30 thousand or so miles (or for the metric 40 thousand k's) and man am I tired.

2010-09-01T02:50:00.000+01:00

Beautiful Brisbane Sunset

I've been around the world and I, I, I.....(go Lisa)

View from Train Nambour to Brisbane

So back to the UK for me hey...here I am.....sooner than I thought.  My last week in the mountains and Brisvegas went by in a flash.

It doesn't seem like that long ago I was planning this trip, it just went so fast.

Brisbane City
So what did I do, well I made more stuff in the mountains, ate more wonderful food, saw my relatives, drank good champagne ;) and said more sad goodbyes to my beautiful friends.  Oh and I ate bacon, can't forget that very important point, off a BBQ no less thanks meJulie.

What am I going to do now? Work my arse off in Brighton, get a flat to live in, pay off debts, all very boring stuff...but who are we kidding there will be fun mixed in there and evil (well it is me we're talking about)

Why am I back? I got homesick.... 

This is what I missed ahhh Britain...

Still, I would like to go to Thailand for New Year's eve with my beautiful friend as planned woo hoo...Full Moon Party!!!  Before I get too old ;)

....but until then the blog may morph, moving away from mostly travel into Mel rant, observations (predominately sarcastic and bitchy) and who knows your luck in this city you might just get some sauciness...and bacon.

Brekkie Aussie Style
My one, true and enduring love.

What I've done in the last week....Brisbane, Bush and that chocolate cake.

2010-08-24T05:18:00.000+01:00

This week it was back and forth to Brisbane for me....

Caught the bus from the mountains to the nearest train station and have discovered a new Qld. radio station that I love 'all eighties, all the time' hee hee...the station actually played Safety Dance.  Do you remember Men Without Hats? 

This made the very long bus trip seem to go a lot faster.  Enjoyed my few days in Brisbane hanging out with meJulie, drinking too much wine, catching up with her stories and seeing the 'JGirls' again. Then it was back up to Eudlo to hang out in the mountains once again, I do love it up here, with the fresh air and the beautiful scenery and the constant flow of good food (Brad's divine dairy free chocolate cake).  It's so wonderful, also been dipping into my creative juices (oo er)and using my hands and parts of my brain to draw stuff, alter and sew stuff in Paula's gorgeous studio.

Then it was back down to Brisbane on the weekend to sort all the stuff I left behind at my parents and have an amazing trip down memory lane, looking at all my old photos, reading some very saucy love letters and being mostly ruthless about getting rid of more materialistic possessions.  I just have stuff all around the world now it's getting out of control.  It is funny how you accumulate stuff so easily.

Then I had the weekend of a twenty sumtin' without the equal energy...went drinking and dancing with meJulie on Saturday night,  where I almost got into a cat fight with some very insecure girls.  Julie told me to "leave it, it's not worth it" :) It's so ironic that when your body is at its best (weight wise, perkiness ect.) you're at your most insecure.  Then you get older women whose bodies may not be so great, I mean gravity enters, you might've had children, but intensely full of confidence and are just so damn sexy.  Confidence is just an incredible and attractive draw card. (more of this in another blog)

Sunday night after an amazing dinner at the Vietnam (mmm prawn meat on sugar cane) I went to an an album launch of another incredibly confident and sexy woman, Ilona Harker and it was pretty amazing, her voice is beautiful and what a wonderful musician and a fabulous entertainer (my fave song 'Wreck You').  She was supported by the Blackbirds who also were incredible, and did a pretty funky cover of Lady Ga Ga's 'Poker Face'.

Came back up the mountains yesterday morning and wishing I could just live here forever.... 

Regardless of Paula's statement, when I was clearing creeping vines off trees looking for snakes and spiders warily while I did it..."you don't have to worry about the snakes, climbing snakes are never poisonous, what you have to watch for is the inch long, jumping, meat eating ants'. 

Oh ok, of course....but I'd take those ants over an ugly insecure, drunk pub slut anyday...

A nature shot for you, cute little froggy...no snake shots as yet...

Buddhism, grumpy nuns and hot weather in Winter

2010-08-15T10:02:00.000+01:00

Today it was off to the Chenrezig Institute, which is just down the road from where I'm staying with my friend in Eudlo. I say 'just down the road' realising that this means something different, mostly depending on where you're living in this world. People just don't like walking anywhere anymore....but I always do this go off on a tangent (the red wine helps).

So this place in the middle of the bush/forest in the mountains is quite beautiful, lovely view, nice cafe, great gift shop, but that's not what its about so we (Paula and I) walked around the various iconic figures and temples. smiled at some grumpy nuns and journeyed through 'the garden of enlightment'. Did we become enlightened? You ask on the edge of your seat...did they push out the darkness that is the anti-Mel? (no hang on that'd be the goodness, now I'm getting confused)

Cue: internal voices...{I hate it when people talk in the third person, it's one of my pet hates. e.g. 'John likes small ladies' said by John aaaggghhhh. Melissa fucking hates this and it makes her want to kill people.} Back to regular programming.

They're Buddhist not magicians guys...lets just reign it in a bit there hey... Anyway it was another gorgeous day here, blue skies, hot sunshine, I almost couldn't believe it was Winter here, walking back up the hill in my vest/singlet top gasping for water.

I was thinking about going into my organised religion rant as you all would well expect me to do....short summary; disproportionate accumulation of wealth, too much connection to the state, patriarchal institutions ect. ect., that's just a taster for you lot. Although I am thinking about starting a cult and currently looking for an extremely charismatic leader to employ in the P.R. role. I'll do anything, almost anything to avoid going back to work after nearly 5 months... hee hee.

So after not reaching enlightenment but asking one crucial question to the universe that I am waiting for an answer on....no rush universe you got loads to think about....it was off home to climb up on the roof and clean out the guttering. (told you I had to earn my keep) It was a great view from up there, no...not my builders crack emerging from my jeans, the view of the other mountains. So what have we learnt from this blog kiddliewinks?

1. I would never make a good Buddhist due to their top 5 no nos. and I just don't look good in orange with my colouring.
2. I shouldn't drink a warming red wine before I start my blog cause I just get all 'I'll tell you something' (this is said in a slurry, pointy way)

Tomorrow I catch the train down to Brisbane for a couple of days to hang out with me Julie in the big smoke....can't wait!!!

Mel does Markets, Mountains and Macaroons most marvelously

2010-08-14T09:09:00.000+01:00

 After a night of vodka shots, red wine, good music, great company, a wonderful prawn curry and some table dancing (this is a career change I'm thinking about) it was up (very slowly and carefully) this morning to head to Eumundi markets.  Perfect day for it 22 degrees c on a Winter's day, one thing you can't fault Australia for, its weather.

Eumundi Markets is huuuuggge....and there is certain friends of mine (insert names...) who would go absolutely crazy ass here with purchasing stuff.  I was impressed at my self control but to be honest with you this is less about my amazing restraint (I have little in all areas) and more about the fact that I can't remember the last time I was this poor.  Well travelled, well loved, and well remembered but well brassic.  So I just walked past stroking things with much consumerist, capitalist desire in my eyes; dresses, bags, shoes, jewellery ect.

 After the markets, it was off home to eat dairy free macaroons via Nambour Plaza (this is not a tourist must see) to observe white trash in their natural habitat. I'll tell you this for free, nothing screams 'class' like greasy hair and a tattoo (bird or rose) emerging from above the cleavage of a sleeveless top and below on the side of a pregnant belly, low rise cut off shorts and a choice of Ugg boots or thongs on your feet. 

Unfortunately I didn't get a picture of this, I know, I know....I'm judgemental and a snob.  This is a burden I am prepared to carry.  Sorry universe....Malicious innit.  But here's some pretty pics instead of the other more acceptable bush scrub...

Tomorrow irony of ironies to the power of most ironical... I'm hanging out here with some Buddhists to have a cup of tea and maybe meditate on my internal turmoil of ..if one can self-love just a tad too much....

Oh yeah and soon I'm going to be put to work to earn my keep...and I thought the table dancing would suffice ;)...apparently not...

I have been to cities that never close down, but it aint this one...

2010-08-13T11:01:00.000+01:00

Surprise, Surprise...Here I am up in the mountains, in the middle of the bush of Eudlo...mostly recuperating and re-energising with an old friend of mine....

Old as in 'I've known her since I was seven' not old as in 'age or years', she's practically a youthful, childlike sprite (being the same age as me ;))

I promise once again that I'll put photos in my next blog because the view from her house is just incredible, so for the moment you'll just have to picture mountains, bush and amazing sunrises and settings.  I would love for friends to see this place so they could appreciate the remoteness of it.  Experience how beautiful it is to see the lights of the coastline city from afar and to look up and see a million stars in the sky, smell the trees and the be surrounded by the sounds of silence that only exist in true nature.....yeah yeah I'll go hug a tree now.

I arrived here on a very rainy Tuesday night, the storms here are a sight to behold (they are torrential proper lightening and crashing of thunder) and was just so glad that it decided to come down after my plane landed. 

So what have I been doing I hear you ask? (I know that's not you just the voices in my head...ahhh the sweet sweet voices)Well mostly dosing up on herbal remedies (no not the illegal kind) to finally shake off this cough/cold thing I have been carrying around.  I owe a lot to cayenne pepper I tell you, oh and Paula x ;)Reading, eating and drawing designs for jewellery ideas.  How positively bohemian..to complete this tomorrow I will be off to the ...

.... Eumundi Markets to have a looksy, and yes I will take my camera so you 'outsiders' can see what a good Aussie market looks like....Next week it'll be off down to the bright lights of Brisvegas to catch up with friends and family.

The little red van that could.....and did....and came back again....

2010-08-06T12:17:00.000+01:00

Today is already Friday...where has this week gone??

I know...for most of it I was literally back stroking in my personal swimming pool of self-pity due to illness. I can't remember the last time I was this sick so I think I was a bit moany to say the least when I got struck down with this cough/cold thing. Why is it when you get sick all you want to do is lay in bed,watch rubbish t.v. and get your ma to bring you food and a constant flow of cold flannels/face clothes for your forehead. No matter how old you are you still yearn for that nurturing support and you almost regress into this weak, whiny creature of "I want my mum" sniff sniff cue: much self pity and patheticness.

Well enough of that...so what have I been doing?

Monday and Tuesday was a write off (see above)and Wednesday it was off out with my hostess Ro and her Spanish relatives, who are visiting to do some touristy stuff. We walked around the harbour near where she lives which although beautiful in Winter would be just incredible in Summer with outdoor seating in the cafes, out door ocean pools to swim in and rock pools to explore and walk around.

Part of me does wish I would be here for the Australian Summer to get to experience this but my decision has been made. (back to this later) After this it was up to Mt. Keira to check out the view from the lookout, it was pretty cool to say the least.

I drove up the mountain in Ro's little old red Toyota van, which I have fallen madly in love with...well it is red. This van is pretty old and is an automatic and doesn't always start on the first go, but I think it's just fab, and who cares that you have to lean forward going up hills :) and it's red....had I mentioned that? Women will understand the importance of the car colour thing...I think it is an oestrogen based scenario. I can remember feeling devastated when I found out my first car, a Mazda 323 hatchback was going to be....brown. It took me a long while and many unicorn stickers to get attached to that car (hippy times of old, please don't judge).

It made it up Mt. Keira, burning through petrol like a young, sexy wife on a shopping trip going through her old husband's credit cards. (I need a picture of her and I together)

On Thursday we drove it (she should have a name) down to Sydney, where we walked around Darling Harbour (my first time, told you shit Aussie) then off to the Opera House and the Sydney Harbour Bridge for some typical tourist pics.

Oh yeah good news today I got my medicare card...my back is still hurting from the removal of my left kidney in exchange and I'm preparing emotionally for the loss of sacrificing my soul...ha ha yeah like I have one, I hear you say...but seriously it was pretty bloody hard to get, the card, not my soul.

On Sunday the City to Surf is on and I'd quite like to check that out..but will see how the energy reserves are going.

Next blog....I will get out and about more, maybe down to the beach...(well I am surrounded by them)and I might just have an outpouring of emotion, and I will discuss 'that decision'.

<-----Luna Park with more of those 'soul stealing rides' ;)..have I been there...no I haven't...

Sydney, where are all your shoes??

2010-08-02T09:03:00.000+01:00

So Sunday when it was sunny, I went to Sydney to search for small shoes.... so far this sounds like a Dr Suess book...

But there was hardly any to be found....

So luckily for me the main reason I went to Sydney was satisfied, that is to see my beautiful friend Mads from uni. You just know when a friend is a genuine, close friend and I know I've said this before, but I don't care this is my blog and I'm going to repeat myself. It is just like nothing has changed, no time has past, no distance too great, you just fall straight back into the same conversations, jokes and mutual moaning of old times. It's been nearly a year and a half and it was just like yesterday. It was fantastic to see her again.

The train journey into Sydney from where I'm staying takes just over an hour and the scenery was breathtaking from cliffs of bush and forest to views of the beaches and oceans, it was really incredible.... but you'll just have to take my word for it. So where are the photos you ask...well...that is where I was a bit rubbish.

I've been struck down with the first cold I've had since I can't remember when, so no photos were taken...this time. I mostly sat on the train swimming in my pity pool of illness. I promise next time I will make more of an effort, 'swallow a teaspoon of cement and harden the fuck up'.

Even though it's Winter here on the weekend it was still like in the mid-twenties and I've obviously been acclimated to British weather, everyone else was walking around in jeans, jackets, boots and scarfs and here's me in a short sleeved dress (probably lurgy sweats added).

So I still need to do boring government required registering scenario stuff here and by the way if anyone is coming to this fine country and needs tips I am rapidly becoming an expert.

Next blog - I promise more pictures (of scenery, buildings and quirky people), more interesting Australian facts (cause I have already told you we now are the forerunners for the most morbidly obese - rock on chubbers),more moaning about how Aussie bureaucracy is driving me nuts and more dream sequences where I go ballistic in a various government offices and hurt people with desk stationary that is ready and waiting to be wielded as a viable weapon.

Seriously you should see me with a staple puller...just like a ninja.

Back to the Bush, Beach and Blowhole....

2010-07-31T12:20:00.000+01:00

Today went on a mini road trip through the bush....with Ro my wonderful hostess and my good uni mate and her two sons...

Just a short trip south of where I am staying firstly to Yarrunga/Kangaroo Valley and then onto Kiama to see the blow hole (noooo not my mouth) it's a natural rock formation. I have to admit the Australian scenery is just incredible and so distinctly Australian. I know I've said this before but you have to see it to truly understand what I mean....hint hint...go on... go down under...you'll love it.

It's not just the visual aspect of the bush, the blue skies and the clean beaches. It's a combination of things including the sounds and the smells it's all encompassing.

When you go to any of these sightseeing type places over here you have to check out the gift shops as well, if only for the amusement factor. No where else in the world could you purchase lacquered cane toads resplendent in top hats and waistcoats in many humorous poses and costumes, kangaroo scrotum coin purses and various stuffed marsupial type toys (mostly and ironically made in China)...(I promise you, no leg pulling) that cost more than the sausage/chiko roll you just bought in the snack bar.

After a nice drive/day out it was off to visit Ro's parents...I instantly adored her dad (the wonderful man sliced up a huge plate of jamon on our arrival, 'meat' nothing says hello and welcome like it) and it was lovely to chat away to her Ma and see some old baby photos of Ro....hee hee.

Tomorrow it's off to Sydney to see Maddie, another beautiful friend of mine from uni, whose been travelling the world.

Ahhhh... see below for the stuffed albino Wombat....slightly more lively looking than the dead squashed one on it's back that I saw on the side of the road....

I come from a land down under....but maybe not to the Australian government...

2010-07-27T12:38:00.000+01:00

So after a relatively easy 15 hour flight that left San Francisco on Saturday night I arrived here in Sydney yesterday morning.

The goodbyes were especially hard and I seemed to do this weird thing where I just shut down which was odd after crying the previous days. It hit me two hours before I landed in Sydney of all times in a plane full of strangers, that here I was again in the land of Oz.

I have a really strange relationship with Australia, I always miss it when I'm not here but whenever I land here, I just feel so damn claustrophobic. Everything here triggers memories...good and bad. Everything is so distinctly Australian; the smell of the cut grass and dew in the morning, the cacophony of all the crazy Aussie birds (no not me and my mates), the sound of crickets at night. Everything screams Australia and I don't know how I feel about that, panicky or comforted. I always have said I was a rubbish Australian, I don't follow the sports, I am not particularly patriotic, not a bronzed sun worshipper and when people ask me why I have come back here I can't really give them a reason. I just answer 'I don't know'.

I feel homesick and for the UK, I even miss the U.S. Could it be as a good friend said that I just simply enjoy being somewhere I feel different not just another of the same. Being the odd one out, the novelty piece? Maybe.

Despite all this I've had to face the bureaucracy of the Australian government with medicare card, employment agencies, drivers licenses, etc....who despite all my fears and anxieties about being too Australian and being back here again, tell me I have to prove my Aussieness. Showing my dedication and commitment to stay here. Until then I won't get the privileges afforded to being a good, genuine Australian.....hip fucking hooray.

Next blog...I will be cheerier....hmmmm

Bye Bye American Pie, Bagel Dogs, Burritos, Hot Dog Stands, oh and my beautiful friends in America new and old..

2010-07-23T19:23:00.000+01:00

I leave the US on the 24th...I can't believe how fast 3 months has gone.  It still amazes me when I look back over my blogs what I have seen, done and the interesting people I have met.  

From the time I landed in NY at the end of April and stayed with Lynne, I've only had the most incredible experiences. I  can honestly say there hasn't been one single truly awful moment that comes to mind....embarrassing, sure, cringe worthy, most definitely, immature, more often than I can count.....but never awful.

I know it sounds really hippy but fuck it...I can't thank the universe enough for surrounding me with these amazing people and experiences that I have had on this journey...that is no where near over yet.   The generosity and kindness people have shown has been overwhelming.  I really can't thank people enough from those who I've spent loads of time with to people who just helped me not get lost or offered fascinating and interesting conversations randomly on various public transport systems I've caught.  I just feel really lucky to be on this path and had all these amazing experiences.

I am going to come back to the US, there is so much here I still want to see.  Places I just didn't get the chance to visit due to cash and time.  I have made new friends who I will definitely have to see again and strengthened old friendships further than I would've thought possible.  It's bittersweet indeed.

The thing I love most about travelling....is making new friends and creating unbreakable bonds.  The thing I hate most about travelling....is making new friends and having to leave them. 

I wish I could put all my greatest friends on one island all together,(it would make my travelling costs way cheaper for one) sounds psycho right?  But I don't care, you'd love 'Melissa Island'. Hee hee, sure I'd try to make it a democracy but you all know that the tyrant that is Mel would feel that a despot regime would work far better.  Compulsory bacon consumption, predominately meat based production, no fair grounds with rusty screws, lots of vodka and wine based fun and of course the standard fare of offensive and lewd conversation with some dash of surrealism....not forgetting the smattering of art appreciation and fashion guidance all under the umbrella of the non-judgemental eyebrow, evil cackle and cheeky smirk.

Tonight I celebrate my last night here, with the beautiful Jen, the Lovely Leigh and the Gorgeous Rob, and I will try not to cry but if you know me well enough you know I'll be sobbing like you just told me that bacon has become global contraband.

So I land in Australia on the 26th and the blog will continue, although probably/maybe more sporadically as I have to get back to the work grindstone.  Just of course to save more money and keep on moving...next stop and blog....Sydney...

Last Days in the Bay....

2010-07-23T00:20:00.000+01:00

Last Sunday I spent probably what will be my last day in San Francisco City (on this trip) and had another amazing day......

First Hot Dog with sauerkraut(just can't beat processed meat from a mobile stand) to start the day.... then..

To Presidio, which is the national conservation area surrounding the Golden Gate Park. The view here is quite incredible with the back drop of the Bridge to make that scene just so San Francisco memorable.  

No matter how many times I see that bridge,no matter what the weather, blue skies or that famous sea fog they get here it always just seems so familiar so welcoming.  A view I would never tire of.  This area is really wonderful to walk around and be sure if you get here you go to the other side of the bridge and walk around the seaview cliffs, past the old batterys and down to the beach....if you have some time on your hands.

...but remember if you walk towards the bridge along the beach you will have to walk back the way you came as there is no way back up to the pathway this way.  Unless of course you scale the cliff face, in your bare feet, with the only safety net being a very strong (subtext: buff) and helpful(subtext: looking at my butt) man behind you reassuring and conning/convincing the fear that you feel is pointless and that you are not going to plummet to your untimely death.

After facing near death (no drama here :))it was a quick drive to Golden Gate Park, which you would think would be right near the bridge right?  Wrong.. Walked through the rose garden and the De Young Museum, which I wish I'd had the time/money/inclination to visit as they currently have a 'Birth of Impressionism' exhibit on. Then on to the Japanese Tea Gardens for a nice cup of green tea and some fortune cookies, most of which ironically told me that I'd be 'going to a hot sunshiney place'.

Then it was off to Chinatown for some dinner...the choice of restaurants is huge here, so my recommendation is not to go there starving and just walk into the first restaurant you happen upon.

'San Francisco Chinatown is the largest Chinatown outside of Asia' 

I love SF Chinatown even though it's not 'that' huge, I love the shops and all the interesting things they sell and walking up and down those hills....after another huge American/Chinese style portion it was off home.

All aboard Sausilito Summerday...saltwater: fish, taffy and air..love it.

2010-07-15T03:32:00.000+01:00

After doing the very typical tourist thing of walking on and taking photos of the Golden Gate Bridge with good friends it was off to Sausilito. 

Sausilito is like Greenwich/Blackheath by the sea...to live/own property here you would need to have loads of cash, or be very lucky in love...it's beautiful, has amazing scenery, fab delis and brilliant little boutique type shops.  It was great to get more time to spend here as last time it was a bit of a whirlwind tour.

I went here with Jen, her son and his girlfriend on yet another sunny Californian day. Fish and chips were had (I enjoyed -better than English in my opinion...ooo dem are fighting words) saltwater taffy was tried (my first time I'm on the fence about this)and shops were visited.

I have really enjoyed my second time around in California although it has been very different from my first time here, which was heavily touristy. You just got to do it.

The advantage of being friends with local types (yes you know who you are ;)) definitely has its advantages...

....I have seen things that I know the normal tourist would not get the time, chance to see or maybe even be aware of.  Things off the beaten track.  For this I will be eternally grateful.  To my beautiful Californian friends, thank you for the opportunities I have had, by staying with and hanging out with you.  This was what I loved about NY as well and being hosted by the gorgeous Lynne in Brooklyn (both of which I loved!!!  Lynne and Brooklyn).  I am lucky I got to start and end my trip with people who are pretty fucking incredible.

The generosity of people on this trip has been outstanding and wonderful and to be honest I have only found American folk to be friendly, helpful and open.  Look at me getting all Melisancholy, it's because I'm aware my American part of my adventure is rapidly coming to an end.  After arriving in NY nearly three months ago the time has just sped by at a frenetic pace....not long now and I will be in Sydney....oooooo....

Cos santa cruz, you're not that far Oh santa cruz, no, you're not that far, oh the thrills.

2010-07-15T01:29:00.000+01:00

So 80's movies fans...I had a few retro flashback moments in Santa Cruz...

I was there on Sunday, walking along the boardwalk imagining various vampire boys on motorbikes speeding along the sand, daring me to go on the big dipper....Cut end dream sequence scene: Back to real lifeI was forced onto the famous rollercoaster not by a pale, bloodsucking Lost Boy type, but by 'the boy' who almost had to physically drag me on with (very hard well toned)muscles and verbal accusations of my level of pussiness.  

Which I will freely admit was at an all time high.  

I am terrified of these rides.  I believe(completely irrationally) they're put together by drunk/drug intoxicated carnival, types who travel around from fairground to festival unconciously or conciously working as servants of some demonic harbinger of doom to steal souls of unsuspecting fun lovers.  Enter stage left: Worst case scenario Mel.  If that one particular rusty screw is going to come lose, it'll be on my carraige, if that bar that holds you down springs out it'll be on my seat.  It was like the elephant in Thailand all over again.  The one beligerant elephant that hated its job and decided after a nervy ride that it would spray a mixture of snot and mucas laden spit all over me.  Princess of the Raj - my arse.

Back to Santa Cruz...loved it!!!  It was a great day.  I rode the Big Dipper, did the whole skyride (chairlift) scenario, ate fish and chips, sat on the beach and ogled a mixture of boths ends of the American population spectrum - morbidly obese to gorgeous.  I find it a paradox that you have the beach right there on the board walk (bikini's and itsy bitsy swimmers), rides that only fit people of a certain weight, unless you just happen to be carrying a tub of lube(sorry fatties no fun for you)....then foodstands that only serve incredibly fatty food.  Deep fried twinkies, hot dogs, burgers, fries and burritos.  

I guess you could always not consume the deep fried twinkie but smear it on your arse and thighs instead then wedge yourself right in to that carraige....but I warn you the soul stealers will be waiting for you...your decadent reputation proceeds you... mwah ha ha ha

....too much Stephen King as a child me thinks....

What I did last week on my Summer Holidays 3. Berkeley, Oakland and Anthropology talks with beautiful friends...

2010-07-10T01:13:00.000+01:00

Wow three blogs in a row, here's me up there with all those famous trilogy type writers...hee hee.

So Wednesday, Thursday and Friday I spent in Oakland with the gorgeous Ann her husband and adorable son, Ann is a very good friend from my university days and while she was at her uni classes I chilled out around Berkeley.

Ok I think I have found another travel type addiction...visiting university campuses or is that campi? ;)  You know what I'm going to say here don't you....I loved Berkeley and yes again I am going to Google the said costs for registration and tuition.  I just can't help myself.  

The campus was brilliant, huge and again I took loads of pictures which due to space issues you won't have to suffer through. Unless you're my friend then sorry but yeah be prepared for the approaching slide show boredom.

I went to the top of Sather Tower which has the largest clocks in NorthCal..17 feet diameter (interesting but useless fact), I walked around their library reading room and visited their anthropology museum.  I just feel at home on university campuses, I wonder why that is....still looking for that rich benefactor.  

I also loved Berkeley centre, it is pretty funky and reminded me a little of Camden (UK ref) or the Valley, pre yuppie invasion aaaggghh (Aussie ref).  With its vintage shops, cafes and outdoor type bars and restaurants.

It was excellent also catching up with a very good friend who you have shared history with, touching base with what's going with each other and having some very interesting and heavy conversations about varying topics (not just anthropology ;)).  This is the thing with great friends, you can be miles apart and have not seen each other for months, sometimes years and everything is the same. Your lives and circumstances can change but at the core you are both the same people, it's familiar and comfortable, I love it and I miss it.  I'm not very good at watching what I have to say and walking on egg shells, if you know me the idea of me monitoring the brain to mouth function is hysterical.  I was told once, that part of brain doesn't exist or is seriously stunted....hmmm.

I'm starting to get homesick for London and my friends, I mean seriously I watched Harry Potter last night and got melancholy at the London scenery....I mean seriously Harry freaking Potter!!

Next week California on an even stricter budget....where did all my money go?

What I did last week on my Summer Holidays 2. Chilli dogs, Calder and Cartoons

2010-07-10T00:34:00.000+01:00

Favourite day: First Tuesday of the month.

Go on...ask me why.  Free day in most art galleries in most cities in the U.S.  When travelling on a budget this day is a bonus.  

The SF Moma cost $18 dollars for entry, which I could then spend on the most massive chilli dog for lunch at Mel's Drive-In. :) Last time I was in SF I went to Mel's and just loved it, it is just so kitsch and the geek in me (no not in that way..how rude) just enjoys looking at all the black and white photos of George Lucas on set the waiters/ess uniforms and the 60's juke box.  The food typical American Diner food comes in huge portions with refillable iced tea or homemade lemonade... "love it"(this is said in an annoyingly perky sing song voice)

After completely stuffing myself full of chilli dog fries and homemade lemonade, it was off to waddle down to the SF Moma to get me some culture (being Australian I know this is ironic).  I love, love, love the SF Moma, the building, the rooftop sculpture garden the huge variation of their art pieces, the achitecture and the way it draws in the light it is all just breathtaking.  

I realise I am starting to become more and more like my mother in this way.  I can remember her justifiable anguish at me sleeping on long car journeys and missing all the beauty of the gorgeous and diverse Australian scenery, trying to get me to wake up and telling me what I was missing.  Thank you for instilling this in me, this ability to see beauty in a myriad of places and not just roll my eyes, sigh and scuff my shoes like an angsty teenager.  Even in doggies in bags...see below..hee it's a dog and it's in a bag!!!

Back to the art....at the SF Moma right now, it's their 75th anniversary, this was very interesting as they had some of the purchases they have made in the last 75 years, it is interesting to see what was definable as 'modern art' and how this has evolved in three quarters of a century.  They additionally had an exhibition called from 'Calder to Warhol'from the Fisher Collection, which was huge, ecclectic and incredible.  I must admit though I am becoming less a fan of Warhol as the years go on.....hmmm. What does this mean??

After the SF Moma I whipped into the Cartoon Art Museum which is literally just around the corner from the Moma, it isn't a huge museum but it was really interesting to walk around and I did love Nina Paley's cartoons 'Nina's Adventures', which made me guffaw out loud numerous times.  Being totally arted and farted out (damn chilli dog) I headed home attempting to squeeze the butt cheeks together to ensure my fellow train passengers didn't suffer my over abundance of internal culture....  You can take the girl out of Australia but.....now part 3...

What I did last week on my Summer Holidays 1.From Capitalism to Patriotism

2010-07-09T23:36:00.000+01:00

It's been nearly a week since I wrote my blog, I know I'm just getting lazier and lazier....I am really starting to fight the constant urges that I need to go back to work....

Last Saturday I went shopping with Jen in a place called Santana Row, this place was amazing (if you're a material girl in a material world) for shopping!!!  It's a load of outlet store all put together in one place (think Stone's Corner-Aussie ref or Covent Garden -UK ref).  I know I don't have much cash(sub-text S.F.A) but this somehow goes by the wayside when you're near clothes and shoes.  It's all relative innit....if you can't afford to eat, you look better in the clothes.  

For those of you who know me this is obviously said 'tongue in cheek' as besides art, booze, clothes and other cheeky vices (cue: divine 24 year olds) food and eating is one of my favourite pass times. No scratch that it's more than a hobby...it's a lifestyle choice.  

So who would like to hire me as a food/art/wine/travel critic??? Come on!! Roll up! Roll up!

So even though it was as hot as hell and I was unbelievably hungover I got up and went shopping as promised.  Thank the stars for make-up to fill in the troughs and dark alcho circles under my eyes.  Reminder to self, don't mix drinks, don't ever drink something that is called A.M.F...(to rude to explain) and finally don't say to someone 10 years younger and the other gender, with more body weight "I can drink you under the table"...Lesson learnt, I can't and I didn't. (thanks for carrying me home)  Man what happened to my quick resilience, me thinks it disappeared with my twenties.

Sunday, July the 4th... another baking hot day in California - this explains the perkiness and chilled out behaviour in this neck of the woods. 

Now say what you like, but I love Americana and I love the parades over here, they are just incredible!  The floats, the energy and this particular one was no different.  I love everything about them the over the top clapping and cheering, the Queen of the Parade (very different from the Pride Queen ;)but still gorgeous) with her huge dress and tiara, the marching bands and the cheerleaders.  These parades are an ideal American social study.  I got another opportunity to see Jen sing, (the national anthem this time),I have to say I was damn impressed... man that bird can reach the highest notes....hello goosebumps. This additionally comes from a place of slight jealousy and pride as I can't carry a tune to save my life.  I mean I am completely and totally aware of the fact that I am utterly tone deaf.  I am not one of those people you see at karaoke bars or on X Factor that has a delusional idea that I can sing.  I am not completely without talent....hee hee, it's just not singing.

Cue: Part 2

Finally got inside Stanford...Art Museum, finished Frank Meeink's autobiography all this in one day.....'look at the brains on Brad'

2010-07-02T18:14:00.000+01:00

This was my third time back to Stanford and this is where it is important that you research information whilst traveling around.

This art museum is shut on Mondays and Tuesdays (heads up) and open late on Thursdays.  

 <------Portrait of Mrs Stanford.

Despite the fact that I'm mostly chilling and not doing the intense tourist thing the days are literally flying by.  I have now three or so weeks left in this big old country before I head to the land down under.  Getting my head around the fact I will have to work again....it's been a while.  I mean I quit my job and finished end of Feb and besides my NHS and factory stint (ahhhh Reed employment, still haven't really properly thanked you for that one) I've been doing sweet f.a....work wise. 

Stanford Art Museum is pretty impressive, it's free for one... :) the building is really architecturally fascinating, they have one of the largest collections of Rodin sculptures I have ever seen and some pretty amazing European, American and contemporary art installations and pieces.  I think Mrs Stanford would still be very impressed.

For me it is mostly about the art.  Oh sure there is the food, drink and shopping as well, but art she's a big favourite.  Like an eccentric old Aunty with lots of silver bangles and flowing clothes living in a house with lots of plants and light that I just have to visit or I miss her terribly.

After walking around the gallery I sat in the Rodin Sculpture Garden had something to eat and finished in one sitting the 'Autobiography of a Recovering Skinhead'.  This book was such an easy read in the sense of 'I just couldn't put it down' way. Difficult in the 'did you really, hold someone's throat down with your Dr Marten, so your mate could pull his hammer out of the guy's skull' way.  There was quite a few times when I was actually crying whilst reading this book but it also made me laugh out loud as well at the complete stupidity and total absence of rational thought of most of things he did.  If you get a chance definitely read this, it is a very inspiring read of human spirit and tenacity and will make you feel more than a little humble.  Especially, if you think you got it hard or, if in your life you're too bone idol to even change the smallest things about yourself that you know deep down aren't right. 

This guy would be an excellent and interesting anthropology study, I found not only him but the sense of community he got from a neo-Nazi group(of all things) incredibly fascinating.....(end of book report ;))

So in the next few weeks I'm thinking I'll be heading up to SF city more get some updated pics and maybe head down to L.A....wishing I could do the Las Vegas thing but think that might just be outside of my budgetary constraints... ;)

When Harry met Sally 2.0

2010-07-01T19:47:00.000+01:00

We've discussed to death if men and women can be friends...yes they can.  Is the sex always there?  Probably.  Are we strong enough to not let it matter?  Most definitely....mostly ;)

Are we mature enough to discuss it and move on?....Yes.

One of my favourite quotes by William Blake is 'those who restrain desire, do so because theirs is weak enough to be restrained'.

I think my possible add on to this is, when we know in our heart of hearts that desire could potentially cause ripples sometimes even huge splashes of pain and upset that really aren't worth the act of the desire we should hold back.  We don't.  Lust is a powerful thing innit?  Lust is easy.

Cue: Harry + Sally 2.0...When sex is out there on the table already like a regular meal, how easy is it for one or both parties to not get attached?  

I'm not talking about the typical one night stand.  You know the kind.  Where you wake up in the morning silently sliding out of the bed, quietly gathering up your clothes, trying to find those randomly scattered underwear pieces tucked down the side of the bed, tiptoeing out the door (trying really hard to figure out the door locks without waking the proverbial sleeping giant)Then heading out on to some street in god knows where, at the crack of dawn, paranoid that everyone is looking at you knowing exactly what you've done.

Well this is what I've heard it's like.

I'm talking about the mutually agreed ongoing sexual encounter (f*ck buddies for a better phrase) with someone you like and 'oh my god' actually have conversations with.  As human beings with conscience and feelings can we successfully seperate sex and intimacy?  In my general observation men are capable of doing this better than most women I know.  Although I am good friends with women who have the most flawless and impressive compartmentalisation techniques I have ever seen in my life.

Is it a learned thing?  Can we actually harden/close ourselves off?

It's very easy being hedonistic, it's fun, it's selfish and it's all about you, only you.  To be honest and fair this is how I've pretty much lived my life for the last year, self preservation is all important.  Living in the moment, enjoying my life, this my one chance, my one life, until worm food time.

Something you don't think of until it's too late....being responsible for or of the feelings of others.  With a one night stand this isn't even a consideration, you just do the 'wombat technique' (eats roots and leaves) and move on.  With an ongoing sexual type situation this becomes more difficult, connections are made, conversations are had, intimacy on some level is shared.

Inevitably this seems to indicate to me that it would be rare and damn lucky if one or both parties don't get attached in some way.  Boundaries have to be firmly set, otherwise someone is going to get hurt.  Cue: Pretty Woman....

The another option is, you could have ongoing sexual encounters only with people you don't like or respect, placing the encounter firmly where it belongs, in the bedroom.

We as humans don't do this though, as much as we try deny it.

We seek out connections, intimacy, friendship and love, even when and where we know it's not viable.  We crave affection, communication and bonding experiences, where we should run the other way....fast....screaming.  We place ourselves metaphorically behind the wheel of the car, speeding down the highway in the dark, chugging down that full bottle of vodka, screaming to the universe 'you can't catch me copper, you'll never get this heart alive'....and then we are shocked when we crash fast and hard, taking out potentially innocent bystanders along the way in the emotional carnage of hurt emotions and feelings.

....but doesn't that ride feel amazing while it lasts??....pass me the keys and the vodka anyday.....carnage I can deal with, not getting in the car....well that's not even an option. 

When sex is out there on the table already like a regular meal, how easy  is it for one or both parties to not get attached?  

Not that easy....but damn it's fun at that table....:) 

SF Pride...They have everything that you need to enjoy, You can hang out with all the boys ...

2010-06-30T01:33:00.000+01:00

Sunday was the 40th Annual San Francisco Pride Parade, this was a truly amazing experience and I literally took over a 100 photos. It was just incredible the colour, the costumes, the energy was so much fun and alive with everybody in such a happy and positive mood. The parade started about half ten on Market Street and ended in Civic Square....

.....With everyone gathering around dancing, drinking, hanging out and parading around in a range of costumes and some in nothing at all. (why don't the beautiful people get naked??)  There was all sorts of stalls, food, clothes, jewellery and fabulous fairy wings for sale, which is where I bought a pair of green wings....other than that I looked positively conservative.  This experience was a definitely one of the most incredible things I have ever encountered.

I had for most of the parade a prime position on top of one of the San Francisco trash cans,(thank you SF city council) until a SF copper told me to get down :)(seriously people were naked and I got told off??) hence the huge amounts of photos I took.  This parade although loads of fun and all in good spirits has also many serious underlying and political messages that hopefully some of which got into the heads of the 100 000+ people there watching on the sidelines.  

Nearly every LGBT group imaginable was represented in this parade from the citizens of Guam to SF Police and Fire Department to PFLAG to Leather boys and the beautiful and unforgettable Queens of the Floats with shoes so high I could only dream of walking in them for more than two steps without falling on my face.  All...looking absolutely fabulous....

 I am so glad I went to this it was definitely an amazing and genuine San Francisco experience and I want to keep writing just so I can put in all the colourful and brilliant pics I took ;)...but seriously how many times and in how many different ways can you say 'San Francisco Pride Parade rocked!!!!'

Beach...micro climates...walks in the woods....

2010-06-30T00:35:00.000+01:00

I've been more than a bit lazy since I arrived in SF....but it's also making me think I'm almost ready to get back to work and get a routine....I know shocking right!!  and a week has gone by and no blog....

Mostly I've been doing stuff locally and have been very lucky to have old friends and made new friends who have been driving me places and showing me around.  Since I had already done the touristy things in SF I don't feel any real strong urge to head out and see all that stuff again and spend loads of dosh.  So I have searching out different stuff around my mate's houses to do, that I can get to with public transport.  Also as every day is sunny you don't have that anxious panic that you're wasting a gorgeous day.

Headed out to Stanford again and walked around the gardens and took pics of the Rodin sculptures (loved, loved, loved the 'Gates of Hell' big shocker hey?) (see above) and cactus gardens...and forgot completely to check to see what opening times were for the gallery there so still haven't been inside.  Checked out the mausoleum of Mr, Mrs and Junior Stanford buried on the university grounds..

So one day I went for a bit of hike here to get me some exercise and practically ran into a deer, who didn't seem remotely intimidated by my sweating bulk :)

Another day I tripped out to Half Moon Bay....this is where San Francisco micro climate just blows me away.  You can leave San Mateo county where it's baking hot dressed in all your summer clothes, then get to the beach 45 minutes away and practically freeze your tits off.  

You can actually see the mountains catching and trapping the cold misty air.  This is something you need to remember when you come here.  Something I forgot when I headed with bikini in bag and sunscreen to Ocean Beach near Golden Gate Park.  So I sat on the beach in the mist for a good hour reading my book attempting to block out how damn cold it was in my tiny Summer dress.

I have started reading Frank Meeink's book and so far I have to say pre the expected violent bit, I am pretty impressed....will keep you updated on this.

Another day/night I went out in Redwood City got a good pampering, massage, manicure and pedicure (thanks to Jen) saw a very good band do decent 80's music (yes I danced my drunken ass off, trying to create my very own most pit) covers,drink nice wine in sunshiney weather.  Play some of the best games of pool ever (it's that tipsy peak) and then carry with the help of Leigh a very cute but very drunk boy home.....remember always eat before ordering the 'cheapeast tequila'.  Damn I wish I had photos of that semi-naked hot body running down the street, throwing clothes asunder...;)

Next blog...San Francisco Pride....

Is she really going out with him? Cause if my eyes don't deceive me there's something going wrong around here......

2010-06-23T18:31:00.000+01:00

Are women taught to settle as we're growing up?  It's just that I see so many beautiful, intelligent women with men they are so much better than.

Realising once again this could just be my misandry talking, but I rarely see it the other way round.  I mean I hardly ever see a couple and think 'Wow! he's just too (insert word here) for her'

I'm not talking about the physical side of it or even so much the intellect (although that is an issue), I'm mainly thinking about women who endure, tolerate and put up with guys who really treat them like shit.  It concerns me as a strong, independent, more than slightly feminist female. 

 Are we really that afraid to be left on the shelf?  The lonely old cat women, living in the middle of the forest in the cottage made of candy luring small children to their peril.....cue: sexist fairy tales.  Ending up childless and unmarried the 'spinster' of our local neighbourhood.  Even that word is awful isn't it?  'Spinster' very different from 'Bachelor', the smooth older gentleman living in he's modern yet tasteful apartment, with just a touch of silver hair on his temples reading the Guardian,seducing young aspiring actresses to he's pad.....hee hee too much Madmen in my head there me thinks.

Or that situation at a wedding/christening/family type party when someone asks you when you're going to get married or have children (I'm not sure if guys get asked this) is completely infuriating.  I always wanted to make up really dramatic awful stories about diseases, accidents and fiancees left at sea to make people feel awful for asking such a personal question.  Or my favourite just responding with 'so do you and your husband practice anal?'  Which I feel is an equally personal and unnecessary line of questioning at a social gathering.  You show me your (offensive and extremely personal qustion)and I'll show you mine.

But seriously who teaches us that we have to put up with this shit, is it our parents, society a pre-programmed biologically determinist learned behaviour?  Our need to breed and be the perfect mother/wife/sex goddess?

Women have so much power and more often that not we don't allow ourselves to truly shine.  Sabotaging ourselves and our fellow sisters, denying our careers, our desires and needs, our happiness to capture that unobtainable (and not very worthy) love.  Enduring physical, psychological and sexual abuse as a part of a gendered role.

We need to wake the fuck up, we are the stronger sex in so many ways and the only thing that is letting the team down is us.  

Men can only do this to us if we allow it and more often than not, we do it to ourselves, we allow ourselves to be subjugated, we are our own worst enemy, when you get angry really angry in a relationship...honestly who are you more angry at him or yourself?.........and breath.

Tomorrow I will be a calm tourist again... :)

Stanford, Sunshine, Flea Markets and My Sharona...not forgetting the Ribs, and yes I know my way to San Jose'

2010-06-21T21:53:00.000+01:00

So... I think I've been pretty damn lucky on this trip from being with good friends NY to SF and all the bits and new friends in between.  I've met some incredible people, experienced some interesting situations (good, weird, and even more weird but never bad) and seen without question some of the most breath taking scenery ever.  It's like, without getting too mushy, tear enducing in a 'damn I'm so lucky' kind of way.  I'm loving this path I've chosen to take - it's pretty bloody excellent.

Anyways back to the blog and move away from the emotions, put the feelings down Mel, step back slowly and don't make any sudden moves.

One of the things I consider most lucky about my trip is meeting the locals, this is fab cause you get to see things you wouldn't normally get a chance to.

One end of the spectrum being involved in high speed car chases through the back of the beyond with very passionate but very intoxicated girls and the other being shown things outside of SF by a very efficient, very giving and to be completely honest a damn cute tour guide.

 Saturday was Stanford University, this place is so incredible, again I walked through here and just thought $$$$, the architecture, the sculptures, the grounds, it is just truly amazing.  I mean this university has Rodin sculptures...seriously??!! 

Once again I unrealistically came home and looked at the cost of enrolling as an international student, yeah baby that is so not going to happen.  (Unless I sell some internal organs and to be fair my liver and kidneys are out, due to prolific drinking and my heart is like Mr Burns from the Simpsons, so that doesn't leave much.)

Then a quick drive up to a look out to get some more scenery shots to really bore all my good friends who are definitely going to be given long and drawn out slides shows. Hee hee....wait for it.

 Had dinner in a proper American Diner and I'm kind of annoyed I forgot my camera for this, even just to show you the massive Americana food portions.

After a good nights sleep, and my recreation of a traditional English Brekkie for my new mates (no black pudding or bubble I'm afraid), chilling out with a freshly made Mimosa (thanks Leigh)it took some serious motivation to get out so....

Then on to San Jose Flea market, on a baking Californian day.  The energy here is incredible.  San Jose' is a largely Mexican community and the music, the food and the energy here really reflects this.  I really thought it was fab.  

This place is massive and they sell everything here that you could possibly imagine; cars, food, clothes, jewellery, oils...I mean everything.  It's frenetic.  You could spend a whole day here and still not see the whole thing.  I got talking to a lady who worked here who told me they're considering closing part of it down to make way for more housing.  (Sound familiar Greenwich ladies?)  This would be a shame as these sorts of places are really what visiting other cities are all about, different from the normal touristy shite.  You get to meet the see, taste, feel and experience the true local flavour.

We walked around here for a few hours and got us some ribs, which I astonishingly didn't make too much mess with, some chilli fries (hello fatty boom boom) and bought me some trinkety stuff.  

Also kind of accidently drove past the Egyptian Museum in San Jose', which I'll definitely have to go back to, if the gardens and the building are anything to go by.

Today I was going to go back to Stanford to go to the art museum, but feeling a tad lazy....hee hee so we'll see....and I know after over a week here I really should get off my big old arse to SF city and do some big city stuff.

Wow! Napa, Good Wine, Good Food and Amazing Friends.....bloody perfect.

2010-06-21T20:41:00.000+01:00

After a couple (read lazy 5) of days chilling and just walking around locally and getting stuck on express trains (pic of Japanese Gardens in San Mateo) I was taken on a Napa wine train tour by my gorgeous friend, Jen.

Now this was incredible and I felt very spoilt, in my new dress...that I just had to wear (this is how it is for girls and new clothes)even if it's not the right weather you just got to wear your new things.

We headed out in the morning reasonably early to drive to Napa.  This was the first day I had seen since I got here that was not super hot and super sunny, but as soon as we got on that train that sunshine just came on out, just for us.  

It's weird after weeks of rain to be in place that has such great weather all the time. Even when you talk about bad weather here it is completely not comparable to say other cities I've been in...sorry London.  It's like slightly grey clouds and a bit of mist that lasts for a couple of hours. No wonder why Californians are just so damn sometimes annoyingly friendly you just couldn't be an arse in this weather.  Well you could, I have given it a whirl...

This train ride to one of the more well known wineries was one of the most incredible things I have ever done.  The thing is once you get to know me I am pretty easy to win over ;)

Easy steps to Melissa's heart and happiness, please see below. 

Amazing scenery with interesting things to look at(photo ops), good food and wine/booze (to keep the evil Malicous at bay)and a little bit of an educational experience (to keep the girl's mind active).  So for me this was a perfect girl-date, if Jen wasn't married and such a good friend I totally would've put out, hee hee.

Yes men...it is really that easy to woo a girl...it's called forethought. 

....back to blog.

Although I must admit when the guy was explaining the grape growing/wine process to us I was tempted to say "yeah, blah blah blah, just pour the damn wine bitch", in my most loud obnoxious Aussie twang....however I did learn the most important thing about maturing wines is that..... ah no who am I kidding?  All I learnt is that good food and wine rocks!!

After an incredible three course meal (yes there was pork involved) and some lovely wine, it was off the train to do some shopping, consume, buy, appropriate....I just can't help myself.

Oh and I can't forget I met a beauty queen who had the sash for the 'most outstanding teenager' award. Jen thankfully asked what made her so outstanding (if I had of asked it would have just sounded kind of lewd) the response was she was kind, generous in the community (nope not in the way I'm generous)had done some charity stuff and had an excellent grade point average. See I was thinking of that whole Breakfast Club line....hmmmm outstanding hee hee.

Next my weekend in the sunshine....

Fairground attraction....funnily enough I was thinking of bacon.....

2010-06-17T04:54:00.001+01:00

Today was just another gorgeous, hot day on the West coast of America, staying just south of San Francisco with some very good friends and chilling out....

...but I had to go out after 5 days of laziness here.  Well I did go out on the weekend to be fair and met some new friends and had a very late night where I ended up eating pasta out of a saucepan on a kitchen counter....total class.  Apparently I didn't even use a fork...shocking innit??

Today I went to the San Mateo county fair, total Americana...bloody loved it! There's fair ground rides, really unhealthy food, art, shopping,quilting, flower displays, live music and most importantly......wait for it....piglet racing.  Total consumerism spending and overeating, god bless America!

I have to admit I am more than a bit of a wuss on carnival rides. I just know that some drunken American has put that ride together whilst munching on a chilli dog and some all important screw will be working its way loose and just happen to pop out the instant I get on that particular carriage of the ride and I will die some slow, painful agonising death in a carnage of twisted metal. (this is no offense to Americans either I think this in every fair ground in every country I visit)

Not that I really have analysed or overthought this or anything.  I never used to have this fear of impending death, I think it must be an age thing, like sexual stamina and not needing loads of sleep.  It's strange how those two things come to mind ;)

So I just did another fair ground stuff, like eat the most massive burrito I have ever laid my hands on (still farting as I type)and watch the piglet races (my first).  There was some very interesting characters there I met a hulk hogan look alike and his mate bones (pic below)  I'm thinking his nick-name is due to his slender, atheletic build or it could just be his last name?

Got talking to two American women who said to me you can't leave the fair until you have had something deep fried...like an Oreo.  They deep fry Oreo's!!!! She said they are just soooo good to which I replied "that's weird they sound so bad".  That caused major offence so I moved on....seriously though, just because you have a deep fryer doesn't mean you have to stick everything in it.

Tomorrow I'll go somewhere slightly healthier and safer....on my cholestoral level and not be just another lazy pig. :)

You can bend but never break me 'cause it only serves to make me more determined to achieve my final goal And I come back even stronger not a novice any longer

2010-06-15T22:50:00.001+01:00

I have been mostly hanging out with good friends old and new since I arrived in the sunny state of California and of mind...

As I'm here a little bit longer than most places I've been in I don't have this overwhelming urge to go forth and tourist. It of course helps that I have also been to San Francisco before and seen most of the required tourist attractions so there is none of that urgent pressure, to see and do. It's really nice to chill out, relax, drink excellent white wine and eat good food and chat and kick back. It's also pretty fabulous to be around people who know me well and I can just be myself with and generally not have to worry that I'm going to put my foot in it.

On another note I have also had some very interesting conversations with my friends. It would be fascinating to get a male view point on some of these thoughts and discussions.

I was watching a male comedian on t.v. while I was sitting in one of the rooms of one of the many cities that I have passed through. I can't remember his name but he was very funny and he discussed the fact that women have more nerve and cellular connections between the left(the logical/rational)side of the brain and the right(intuitive/emotional) side of the brain. His basic premise was that even though women might be on the whole more intuitive that ultimately the fact that we have more connections makes us more likely to be crazy bitches. Because we're not just making decisions based on logic.

This and some recent situations/predicaments got me thinking....are we really all that different. Ok historically I'd be the first to say that gender differences are many and varied and would argue several reasons why women are the dominant sex ;)but lately I'm not so certain that there is that many differences.

Not even getting into the nature vs. nurture factor, I'm almost getting to the point of believing that we're all just a group of individuals trying really hard to find ourselves in what was historically a heavily gendered biaised society that rapidly is becoming more integrated.

Men who cry and fall in love easily and want more than that quick sexual fix of a one night stand, women who are angry, proud, ambitious and confidently sexual. We just can't generalise anymore regardless of the fact that Western society still attempts to place us in sexual stereotypes at an incredibly young age. Girls in pink with dolls and boys in blue with trucks.

Why is being sensitive, emotional and romantic the domain of women whilst being ambitious, practical and sexually agressive the ownership of masculinity.(to name but a few stereo-typical gendered traits) I really believe/hope that we are moving rapidly away from these once fixed stereotypes of decades past in to something more homogenous.

It's just a shame that this slow but gradual homogenous progression happening in society on a personal level can't additionally be equalised in other areas like politics, religion and economics. It still amazes me that in this day and age men and women aren't earning equal pay for equal work, that men mostly dominate positions of power in upper management and politics.

Maybe when this happens I will cease to be an angry, sexist, powerful female...or in 'man words' just another nasty, psycho-bitch ;)

Now off I go shopping to relieve my tension....or maybe I'll find something better to relieve my tension.....hmmmm beer and football??

Next blog....I promise I will have got out and about and not been so lazy

Blue skies Smiling at me Nothing but blue skies Do I see, never saw the sun shining so bright....

2010-06-13T02:29:00.001+01:00

So to be fair I did ask for sunshine.....

So another overnight train ride from Portland to San Francisco...the scenery was pretty damn amazing and guess what I saw a bloody moose!!!! Moose....woo woo, now ask me if I got a picture....nope no moose shots to be had I'm afraid. Reflexes like a cat, me.  Met some pretty amazing people on the train, a very cool, lovely couple originally from SF now living in Portland and the very intelligent Kristie who lives in Portland and was heading south to visit her ma.....

So after many and various conversations, great scenery, the worst wine I have ever drunk (and I will drink anything) and minimal sleep once again, I arrived in the very hot SF....

Had some time before I had to meet my friend so I thought I know what I'll do I'll get my hair cut and dyed....so after a few hours, much hair pulling I now successfully look like a bit like a goth...I did tell her the colour was too dark....(the colour of my soul ;)) especially for California :)sunshine and blondeness...

 So after meeting my friends and being welcomed into their amazing home, we headed downtown to the local square for some Beatles renditions, good wine and some more of that damn sunshine.....it was homewards for an early night in the most comfortable bed I have slept in since I don't know when.

Today I woke up to more sunshine....it is hot here (thier hottest day so far) and I'm loving it, the jeans have officially been packed away. Yay....so headed down to the local farmers market and got me some fruit (but unfortunately not the cute boy behind the bakery counter), finally eating some healthy food (after a fry up ;))...Voodoo should be like Christmas...innit. Ended the day by watching my friend sing at a graduation party (bloody great), had some more wine, sat in the heat and discovered Astro Pops....

Tonight I'm going go downtown and have me some drinks and meet me some people.  It's definitely chill out time, I can't believe I'm nearly at the end of my exploration part of this U.S. section of my journey....it has just gone so fast....

last day in Portland, hello...San Francisco...dress the way you please and put your mind at ease It's a city known for its freedom....

2010-06-10T08:04:00.000+01:00

I am so excited about heading towards San Francisco.  Mostly because I get to see some close, amazing friends again and interact with people who know me really well, which I have missed a lot. Friends who I don't need to be so careful with what I say constantly(yes I actually do this ;))but additionally because I bloody love this city.

--------------------------------
OHSU campus and hospital ------>
--------------------------------

The people, the weather, the energy and the fact it's a big city and I do love me a big city.....but I will go on more about this city when I get there....and finally some time to chill out will be fabulous.

Last day in Portland today with more rain, I swear it's following me down the West coast.  Things I can guarantee, if I forget my waterproof jacket there is a 50/50 chance of rain, if I wear my trainers (that aren't waterproof) this percentage will increase by another 20 percent and finally if I straighten/dry my hair these odds are bumped up to nearly 100%.

Anyways ambled around this city of Portland again, got a bit lost but found this incredible, hidden little pathway that took me uphill towards the OHSU
This is why I'm all for walking in cities that you are visiting you get to see things and meet people you might not otherwise get to meet, also you have to work off those damn fine but evil Voodoo doughnuts....

This was yet another university with an amazing campus, the OHSU is connected to one of the most incredibly posh, lush hospitals I have ever seen.  This place is was like an art gallery...well they had art, sculptures and amazing gardens (but free :)).  The amount of cash that that was sunk into this place must've been phenomenal.

 <---one of the many sculptures and paintings (below)at Oregon Hospital

---------> 

This is where I caught the free (supposed to cost $4 roundtrip) aerial tram from down to the waterfront.  If you go to Portland, you have to do this trip the view from here is pretty awesome...

I imagine it'd be even better if it wasn't pissing down.  Walked along the waterfront past the marina and decided to head over Hawthorne Bridge towards the OMSI,
 which due to my lateness and my damn extreme cuteness I got a bit of an entry discount to visit. ;)

This was fun but again had to shove kids out of the way to get to play the games.  Some of the exhibits were very interesting...like did you know drinking alcohol, especially binge drinking is bad??? They also had that foetal development exhibit on display from the 'Bodies' exhibition which was interesting.  But reminded me of that 'fingernails' line from 'Juno'....sometimes I think of the weirdest things at the most random times. So took this fun pic...see I told you I run hot, but that could just be my kidneys and liver shutting down ;)
Then headed back to the hotel for an early night as tomorrow night, once again, I get the extreme enjoyment of not showering and sleeping in a comfort class, train seat woo woo!! On the upside, I get to see amazing views (Coast Starlight) on the way down the West coast, hang with my great friends and have chill out time in San Francisco.
It's not just a holiday it's a lifestyle choice ok...

one more thing...sunshine please...